The Mayberry Hillbillies
By: Chester Morton
It's an early spring morning, in Mayberry, North Carolina; And Sheriff Andrew Taylor is enjoying a nourishing breakfast, with his son Opie, and his Aunt Beatrice Taylor.
"Opie." Said the caring Aunt. "Don't gulp your milk!"
"Yes, Aunt Bee." The young boy replied, as he rushed through his breakfast.
"What are you in such a hurry for, this morning, Ope?" Andy asked, with a slight grin.
"Johnny Paul Jason, Trey, and me were walking by the diner, yesterday." Opie explained. "The owner was outside changing his sign. He said; he's adding to his menu."
"That will be nice." Aunt Bee remarked. "That diner has served the same things, as long as I can remember."
"What kind of stuff?" Andy asked, curious.
"Seafood, mostly." Opie replied. "Shrimp, lobster, and crabs." Then, he smiled. "That's why, Johnny Paul, Trey, and me are going to Myers' lake, today."
"You figure on, catching some lobsters and crabs, down to the lake, do you?" Andy grinned.
"No, Pa." Opie laughed. "But, The owner said; he'd give us ten cents for every crawdad, we could bring him."
Andy whistled. "Say , that's a lot of money."
Opie grinned. "It sure is, Pa. But, don't worry I'm still plan on finishing school, and going to college, even if I do become rich and famous."
"Well, that's good." Andy laughed. "It's always nice to have something, to fall back on."
Just then, you could hear two voices calling, from outside. "Hey, Opie!"
"That's Johnny Paul, and Trey!" Opie announced, as he started towards the door.
"All right, so long Mr. Rockefeller!" Andy laughed.
A few minutes later, Andy glanced at his watch, and frowned.
"I wonder, where Barney is?" Aunt Bee spoke up. "It's not like him, to be late."
"Oh, I'm sure he'll be along, directly." Andy replied. "If, he's not here before long, though. I'll just walk down, to the courthouse.
As they spoke, they could hear some music playing. It came from outside. At first, it was faint, but it soon became louder.
"What's that?" Aunt Bee wondered.
"It sounds like, the Darlings!" Andy rushed, towards the door. As, he stepped outside; he spotted an old truck, coming to a stop. It was being driven by, mountain man, Briscoe Darling. Next to him, His daughter Charlene sat in the front seat. In the back, as usual, were his sons.
"Howdy Sheriff!" Briscoe called out.
"Mr. Darling." Andy replied. "What are you doing in town, so early?"
"We've got trouble, Sheriff!" Mr. Darling replied.
"What kind of trouble?" Andy looked concerned. "Is it Ernest T, again?"
"No, It's not anything, like that." Briscoe replied.
"We've got kin folk coming, to visit!" Charlene spoke up.
"Kin folk?" Andy asked.
"Well, they're not really kin." Briscoe explained. "You see my cousin, on my mother's side, twice removed, married a man, whose brother, Claude, lives in Tennessee."
"And, Claude is coming for a visit?" Andy asked.
"No." Mr. Darling replied. "He lives in Bug Tussle."
"Oh, I see." Andy glanced at Aunt Bee, who had joined him, outside. "Then, who's coming for a visit?"
"The Clampettes, silly!" Charlene laughed.
"Of course!" Andy replied.
"You see, Sheriff." Briscoe continued. "The Clampettes live, just a stone's throw, away from Claude."
"Then, the Clampettes are coming, from Bug Tussle." Andy surmised.
"No, silly." Charlene laughed. "They're coming, from Beverly Hills."
"Oh, I see." Andy replied. Although he really didn't, he just wanted to end, the conversation. "But, What's the problem?" He asked.
"We ain't going to be here." Briscoe replied. "Charlene entered a contest." Then, he glanced around. "I didn't ever think, she'd win."
"How come?" Andy asked, curious.
"It was one of those contests, where you write in, and tell how you liked their product." He explained. "This product was tooth paste. And, I told Charlene; how can you tell if you like it or not, if you never used it?"
Andy and Aunt Bee exchanged glances. "I guess, that could make it hard." Andy remarked.
"Now, don't get me wrong." Briscoe spoke up. "We've used tooth paste, just not that brand." He paused, and glanced around, again. "I don't want you to think, we ain't clean."
"What was the prize, Mr. Darling?" Asked Aunt Bee.
"First rate, M'am." Briscoe replied. "A trip to Snyder Swamp, and fifty dollars."
"In cash!" Charlene spoke up.
"You can see," Briscoe, continued, "We can't pass up an opportunity, like this."
Andy whistled. "Fifty dollars I could say not!"
"I was wondering, Sheriff." Briscoe began. "If, you could look after them, while we're gone."
"Be glad to, Mr. Darling." Andy replied, with a smile.
"Well, we'd better get going." Briscoe remarked. "We want to make Snyder Swamp, by dark." Then, he glanced at Andy. "Give you a lift, into town?"
"I'd appreciate it." Sheriff Taylor replied.
"Just pile in, the back." Briscoe waved, his hand.
"Oh, Pa." Charlene whined. "Can't he ride up here, with us?"
Andy glanced around, a little nervous, and then replied. "I'll just ride in the back, with the boys."
Shortly later, the old truck pulled up, in front of the courthouse. After saying goodbye, to the Darlings, Andy started inside, pausing long enough to notice, the squad car. "Barney must be here." He thought, to himself.
"Barney!" Andy called out, as he walked in.
"Over here." A voice came, from one of the two cells.
Deputy Bernard P. Fife had locked himself inside, by accident. He was known to do this, quite often.
"How long, have you been in there?" Andy laughed, as he started towards the cell, with the key.
"Since, last night." Barney replied. Then, he frowned, when he noticed Andy hesitating, about unlocking the door. "What are you waiting for?" He demanded.
"I don't know." Andy laughed. "I think, It might be too early, to let you back out into society. Do you think you've learned your lesson?"
"Very funny!" Barney raved. "You're a laugh a minute!"
After a few minutes, of good-natured ribbing, Andy unlocked the cell door, and Deputy Fife stormed out. "I'm going on patrol!" He shouted, as dashed out, the front door.
Just then, the telephone, on Andy's desk, began to ring. "Courthouse, Sheriff Taylor speaking." He spoke, into the phone. "Miss Erma Bishop yes m'am I have the box, for the rummage sell Yes m'am you can pick it up, today Bye!"
After, hanging up the phone, Andy decided to walk next door, to Floyd's Barber Shop, to get a haircut, and chat with the local barber.
In the meantime, Deputy Fife, who had been patrolling the streets, noticed an old truck, similar to the Darlings, parking in a red zone. A tall, young man was seated in the driver's seat, next to him, was an older man, with a moustache. On the bench, attached to the back, were two ladies. One was young and pretty, and the other woman looked like, her grandmother.
"Just a minute!" Barney shouted. "What do you think, you're doing?"
"Howdy, Mr. Policeman." The older man, with the moustache replied. "We's the----" He started introduce himself.
"That's enough fellow!" Barney interrupted. "Do you know you have illegally parked this vehicle, in a tow away zone? I am going to have to give you, a five dollar ticket!"
"Well doggies did you hear that, young'uns?" The older man smiled. "Good fortune follows us, everywhere. We're not in town five minutes, and this nice man is giving us a ticket, for five dollars." Then, he starred at Barney. "But no thanks, young feller." He grinned. "You just keep that. We've got plenty of them that, the police have given us, back home."
"Are you trying to get smart, with me?" Barney stormed.
"No, sir!" The young man, behind the wheel, replied. "They couldn't, even if they wanted to, because I'm the one, with all of the education, around here. I graduated the sixth grade!"
"Jethro!" The older man replied. "What did I tell you, about bragging?"
"Jed!" The old woman spoke up. "We ain't got time, for this. We've got to get going. If, we want to make it, to the Darling cabin, before it gets dark. We had enough trouble, getting out here, with Mr. Drysdale. He tried to keep us, from leaving."
"Now, Granny." Jed replied. "Mr. Drysdale is just fond of us, and didn't want us to go. Because, he'd miss us."
"Is that why, he ran behind the truck, yelling at us, "Don't go! Don't take the money!" Granny retorted.
"You just misunderstood him." Jed replied. "I'm sure, He wanted to make sure, we had enough money, before we left."
"What's that?" Barney spotted a brown jug, sitting next to Granny, in the truck. Then, he grabbed it, and jerked the cork out. After smelling the contents, he quickly replaced the cork.
"I'd be careful, with that!" Jed warned. "It's almost empty. But, I wouldn't shake it around, too much."
"Where's the rest of it?" Deputy Fife demanded to know.
"Well, about twenty miles back, we ran out of gas." Jethro spoke up. "So, We put it in, the tank."
"I told you, I'd push." The young girl spoke up.
"Ellie, you dumb girl!" Jethro retorted. "You know, you couldn't keep it, under the speed limit."
"You mean this truck is loaded?" Barney gasped.
"I guess, it is." Jed replied. "I told Granny, she was piling too many things, on the back."
"That's it!" Barney started fidgeting around, and nervously removed his revolver, from its holster. "I'm taking you in!" Then, He led the small group of "Hillbillies", to the courthouse. Where, he locked them inside, one of the cells.
"Thanks, Floyd!" Andy waved to the barber, about an hour later. Then, he turned towards the courthouse, and spotted Miss Erma Bishop walking away, with a large box. After waving to her, he walked inside.
"Sheriff, I'm glad you're here!" Barney came rushing up.
"What's going on?" Andy spotted the "Hillbillies", inside one of the cells.
"I rounded up these suspicious characters, Andy." Barney replied. Then, he pointed towards Granny's jug. "They were running their truck, on that!"
Taking the cork out of the jug, Andy frowned. "That's not exactly, Ethel." Then, he walked over, towards the cell. "Mr. Clampett?"
"That's right, we's the Clampettes." Jed replied. "Except for Jethro and Granny. Jethro is my cousin Pearl's boy. She married a Bodine. And, Granny is my wife's mother. She's a Moses."
"And, you're on your way, to the Darling place?" Andy nodded his head. Turning to Barney, he said. "Unlock the cell."
After a brief discussion, Barney reluctantly agreed. "All right, I'll let them out. I just---" He stopped, and looked around, a little nervous. "Where's that box, that was on your desk?" He asked. "It was there, when I went into the back room."
"Miss Bishop took it, to the rummage sell, why?" Andy replied.
"I put the keys, in it!" Barney frowned. "Both sets!"
Just then, Ellie May Clampett let out a sharp whistle, and said. "You don't need a key, come on Jethro!" Next, They grabbed the bars, on each side of the cell door, and began to spread them, apart.
"Ellie May, Jethro!" Jed called out, after they had climbed out, of the cell. "You bend those bars, back!"
"Yes, pa." Ellie replied, as she straightened the steel bars, back into place.
"Andy " Barney stammered. "Did you see that?"
"I'm sorry, if they hurt your jail, Sheriff." Jed spoke up. "But, they just get carried away, sometimes."
Before, Andy or Barney could say anything, Granny walked over. "You ought to be ashamed, of yourself!" She told them. "Throwing a poor old widow woman, and her defenseless young'uns into jail, like this!" Turning to Jed, she said. "Let's feud, the whole town!"
"Now, Granny." Jed replied. "I hardly think; we can feud the whole town."
"We 'ought to do something, Jed." Granny retorted. "We're not in town five minutes, and that scrawny runt, over there," She pointed to Barney, "takes my jug!"
"Runt!" Barney repeated.
"Now, What am I suppose to do, without my rheumatis' medicine?" The old woman continued. "I might need it, for one of my patients."
"You're a doctor?" Andy asked, surprised.
"That's right." Granny replied. "Doctor Daisy Moses MD."
"Mountain Doctor." Jed explained, what the MD stood for.
"Well, we're terribly sorry, about this." Andy replied. "Mr. Darling told me, you were coming. I should have told my deputy, to be on the look out, for you."
"That's all right." Jed replied. "No harm done."
"Why didn't, Briscoe meet us, himself?" asked Granny.
"Well " Sheriff Taylor explained, about the contest the Darlings had won, and the trip they had taken.
"Fifty whole dollars!" Granny exclaimed. "And, Snyder Swamp. No wonder, I can't blame them. Can you Jed?" She glanced at her son-n'-law.
"It is, a glamorous health resort." Jed replied.
"What are we going to do now, Pa?" Asked Ellie May.
"I reckon', we'll just pick us a spot, down by the lake, and camp out." Mr. Clampett replied. "Then, we can start back out, first thing in the morning."
"We've got a fine Hotel, right here in town." Andy spoke up. "It'd be a lot better, than staying by the lake. You'd have running water, electricity ."
"Ay!" Granny groaned. "We've got all that stuff in the mansion, in Beverly Hills. We want to get back, to the good life."
"That's right," agreed Jed. "We don't cotton much, to city living."
"Well, suit yourself." Andy grinned. "Of course, since you are kin to the Darlings, you could come, and stay at my house."
"Thanks anyway, Sheriff." Jed held up his hand. "But, we don't want to put anybody out." Then, he started towards the door. "Come on, family, let's go!"
"Bye!" Andy waved. "Adios Amigos!" said Barney Fife.
As Barney said this, Jed and Granny glanced at each other, confused. "What did he say, Jethro?" Mr. Clampett glanced, at his nephew.
"That was, what you call, a foreign language, Uncle Jed." Jethro laughed, and glanced over at Andy and Barney. "You'll have to forgive them." He said. "They're just a couple of ignorant hayseeds. They haven't had the education, I've had." He grinned, with pride. "Like, I done told this little feller, I've done graduated clean through, the sixth grade."
"You ain't so smart!" Ellie May retorted. "My bear Fairchild is smarter, than you!"
"She ain't either!" Jethro replied. "The other day, I beat her two games, of checkers, out of three!"
"Well, you're so smart, what did he say?" Ellie huffed.
Then, Jethro looked around, embarrassed. "I'm not sure, exactly what it meant. But "
"Just what, I thought!" Ellie replied.
"Now, young'uns!" Jed Clampett spoke up. "Stop this arguing, in front of strangers!"
"Yes, Pa!" Replied Ellie.
"All right, Uncle Jed." Jethro remarked, as they walked out the front door, of the courthouse.
Once, the Clampettes were outside, Barney examined the cell bars. "So, they're kin, to the Darlings." He remarked.
"Well, not really." Andy replied. "But, it's too complicated, to go into."
"Did you hear, that big kid?" Barney laughed. "Graduated the sixth grade?" Then, he walked over, and sat down, at his corner desk. "And, that little woman is a "MD"."
"Mountain Doctor." Andy laughed.
"And, they all live in a mansion, in Beverly Hills." Barney leaned back, in his chair, and tilted his hat forward, and yawned. "Have you heard anything, crazier than that?" He asked, in a sleepy tone.
"It did sound, far fetched." Andy laughed, as he sat down, at his desk. "Of course, after what they did to that cell door, I wouldn't exactly call them liars." He remarked, as he glanced over the papers, on his desk. "Say, Barn. Why don't you run down, to the rummage sell, and get the keys back, before Miss Bishop sells them."
"Ok, Andy." Barney replied, half asleep. "I'll go down to the rummage sell, and buy back the keys." But, a few minutes later, he was still sitting there.
"Barney?" Andy glanced over at his Deputy. "Barney!"
"Rummage sell, buy back keys." Barney stated, still mostly asleep.
"Barney!" Andy shouted.
"What!" Barney suddenly sat upright.
"When are you going?" Sheriff Taylor asked, in an angry tone.
"Going?" Barney looked around, puzzled. "Where am I going?"
"Down to the rummage sell, and get the keys back!" Andy replied.
"Sure thing, Andy." Barney replied, as he started towards the door. "But, you really should have mentioned this, earlier."
Meanwhile, As Barney started towards Miss Bishop's rummage sell. The Clampettes had all ready returned to their truck, and we're about to drive away, when three young boys came walking up.
"What's wrong, young fellers?" Jed spoke up, noticing the glum expressions, on their faces.
"Nothing." A red headed boy replied. "We've been down to the lake, all morning, trying to catch some crawdads."
"And, you didn't catch any?" Granny spoke up.
"Nope." Replied the red headed boy, who seemed to be the spokesman, for the group. "Now, we can't get the autograph baseball."
"Baseball?" Granny repeated, confused.
"That's right," The boy replied. "We were going to sell the crawdads, to the diner. And, the three of us were going to go in together, and buy an autograph baseball, down at the sporting goods store."
"Yeah, it has Joe DiMaggio's signature on it." One of the other boys spoke up.
"One baseball, for all three of you?" asked Jed.
"We were going to, share it." The first boy explained. "We were going to take turns, keeping it, at each other's houses."
"And, now you can't do it." Granny remarked, in a sad tone. Then, she glanced into, the back of the truck. "I tell you, what." She smiled. "You look back there, in that last basket."
As Granny spoke, the boys did as she said. "Crawdads!" They exclaimed.
"We caught them, this morning, down by the creek." Granny smiled. "Now, you boys help yourselves."
"Thanks!" The first boy replied, as he emptied most of the contents, of the basket, into the container, he had been carrying.
"By the way, what's your names?" Asked Jed Clampett.
"I'm Opie Taylor." Replied, the red headed boy. "These are my friends, Johnny Paul Jason, and Trey Bowden."
"Taylor?" Granny repeated. "Are you any kin, to Sheriff Taylor?"
"Yep." replied Opie. "He's my Pa!"
"Well Doggies " Jed exclaimed. "This is a small world. Ain't it, Granny?"
"Tell your Pa, we said Howdy!" Granny waved, as the old truck started, driving away.
"I sure will, and thanks!" Opie waved back.
Later, when the Clampettes reached Myers' lake, they immediately set up camp, for the night.
"Say, this is a dandy place!" Granny, who had been cooking, their food, over an open fire, remarked. "It'd make a nice place, to put up a cabin."
"It would, for a fact." Jed agreed.
"A lot of room, for my critters." Ellie May added.
"Probably, good hunting, in these woods." Jethro remarked.
"You hurt one hair, on my critters," Ellie raved, "And, I'll turn you every which way, but loose!"
"Uncle Jed!" Jethro complained. "Would you tell her, she can't make a pet, out of every animal, she sees."
"Now, settle down, young'uns." He replied. "There's plenty, for everybody."
"It's time to eat, anyway." Granny spoke up. "Everybody wash up!" Then, she turned back, to the food.
After, the others had done, as instructed, they all sat down, to their dinner. The aroma of which, could be smelled, all around the lake.
It was very peaceful, and then, a tall burly man, who had caught scent of their meal, suddenly stepped out, from behind a clump of bushes. He was dressed in old ragged clothes. And, he looked, as though; he hadn't eaten, in days.
"Howdy!" Jed called out. "Join us, for vittles?"
"Thanks, I wouldn't mind having some eats." The man replied. "I smelled your grub cooking, and "
"Oh, you poor man!" Granny spoke up. "You look as though, you haven't had a decent meal, in days."
"I haven't." He admitted. "And, I sure am hungry."
"Then, let me tell you, what you're having." Granny replied, with a tear in her eyes. "Fried chicken hawk, salted down possum, and boiled hawk eggs." Then she smiled. "What do you say, to that?"
"I'm too hungry." He frowned. "I'll eat it, anyway."
"What!" Granny replied, insulted.
After, they had finished their meal; Jed insisted the newcomer stay with them, that night. "We'll even play you a game, or two, of checkers." He grinned.
"Yeah, thanks Pop." The man replied, sarcastically. "But, I don't know, if I could stand that much excitement."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Jed remarked. "Checkers kind of gets to me, too."
Later on that day, as the Clampettes were enjoying the peaceful surroundings, of Myers' lake, back in Mayberry, Sheriff Andy Taylor was receiving distressing news, over the telephone.
"You say, he escaped, three days ago? " Andy spoke into the courthouse phone. "You think he's headed here? All right we'll keep an eye out, for him bye!"
"What was that about?" Asked Barney Fife, who had just entered, the room.
"That was, the state police." Andy replied. "They were escorting a prisoner, by the name of Jones, to the state pen, and he escaped. They've been trying, to find him, for three days."
"And, they think, he's coming here!" Barney's eyes bulged. "Where's my bullet?" He fidgeted around, trying to remove his bullet, from his shirt pocket. "I better go get the tear gas bomb, out of the back room. We'll need to deputize, a few of the boys. I wonder if, Floyd's still got that heavy stick?"
"Now, take it easy, Barney!" Andy replied, in a calm voice. "We don't know for sure, he's in Mayberry."
"So, What do you want to do, just sit around, and twiddle our thumbs?" He retorted.
"No." Andy replied. "We're just going to wait, until morning, when the state police get here, then we'll go out, looking for him."
"Morning!" Barney huffed. "By morning, he could be, in the next state. And, what about your promise, to Briscoe Darling? That man could be down by the lake, with that poor defenseless family, of hill people."
"First of all, He's been on the loose, for three days, and he's still, in the state." Andy replied. "Second of all, after, what that poor defenseless family did, to those cell bars, If, I was going to worry about anybody, I'd worry about that man, running into them."
So, despite Barney Fife's objections, they waited until the next morning, before they started their search, for the escaped convict. Shortly after, the state police had arrived, they headed down to Myers' lake.
"This is where, most escaped convicts, seem to head." Andy explained, to the newcomers.
"I hope you're right, Sheriff." Remarked one, of the two men. "This man Jones is a dangerous character."
"Well, don't you worry." Deputy Fife spoke up. "We'll catch him, if my name ain't Reliable Barney Fife."
"I hope so." The man replied.
"I tell you, what." Andy instructed the men. "You two fellows go one direction, and Barney and I will go another. That way, we can cover, more ground."
And so, it was settled. The state police headed west, while the Mayberry police combed the woods, on the east side, of the lake.
"I smell smoke!" Barney remarked, after they had been searching, for about fifteen minutes.
"Me, too." Andy pointed, to the left. "It's coming from, over there."
"A camp fire?" Barney asked. "Do you think it could be Jones?" He continued, as Andy nodded his head.
"It could be, we better be extra cautious." Andy remarked. "We don't want to make, too much noise."
"Ten-four!" Deputy Fife replied. "As quite as a mouse, you won't hear a peep out of me, mums the word " Before he could finish, he was suddenly interrupted, by the site of a tall man, who had just stepped out, of a clump of bushes.
"Howdy!" Jed Clampett said, in greeting. "What brings you two, to this neck of the woods?"
"Hello, Mr. Clampett." Andy replied. "We're not here, for a social visit. We're having to hunt for, an escaped convict."
"We think, he might be, in these woods." Barney added.
"Well Doggies..!" Jed exclaimed.
"We're not sure." Andy spoke up. "But, maybe it would be best, if you and your family were to go on, somewhere else."
Before, Jed could respond, the man, from the previous night, came running out of the woods, with Granny not far behind.
"Help!" He shouted to Andy and Barney. "I'm turning myself in! Just get that woman away, from me!"
"What's going on, here?" Andy asked, confused.
"I'll tell you." Granny, who brandished a hickory switch, in her hand, replied. "This smart-alecky rascal tried to make off with the truck, last night. So, I took this hickory switch, and I've had him chopping wood, ever since."
"Take me away!" The man pleaded, with Andy. "I can't take, another minute."
"Well " Andy hesitated. "I don't know "
Just then, the state police came walking up. "Sheriff, you've done it, again. You've managed to capture Jones!"
"Well, It wasn't me." Andy pointed towards Jed and Granny. "It was these fine people, right here."
"We owe you a debt of gratitude, then." The policeman glanced, at the Clampettes. "You're heroes."
"Shucks, it weren't nothing." Jed replied, modestly.
After, the state police had escorted Jones away, Andy and Barney helped the Clampettes repack, their truck.
"We sure are glad, you decided to come through Mayberry." Andy remarked. "Helping us, with the escaped convict. And, My boy Opie told me, about the crawdads."
"Glad to do it, Sheriff." Jed replied.
"Where are you going, from here?" Barney asked, curious.
"Well, we're just driving around." Jed replied. "We're not in any hurry. But, we thought we'd might drop in, at Cousin Ernie's, in Bent Fork, Tennessee."
"Maybe, we'll stop by again, sometime." Granny added. Then, she glanced at Barney. "And maybe, you want arrest us, next time, we come through!"
"Bye!" Andy and Barney waved, to the Clampett clan, which consisted of Jed Clampett, his daughter Ellie May, his nephew Jethro Bodine, and his mother-n'-law Grandma Moses.
Later, that same day, Andy Taylor was back in the courthouse, resting from the recent events. "They sure were, nice folks." He thought to himself. "I just " He thought was cut short, when the front door was suddenly thrown open, and in walked Deputy Barney Fife, and two strangers, a man and a woman, dressed in city type clothing.
"I've got a couple, of live ones, Andy." He pointed towards, the man. "He claims to the president, of the bank. But, like I told him, I've known the president, of the Mayberry bank, for years, and he's not him."
"This is, all your fault, Miss Hathaway!" The city man pointed his finger, at the woman.
"But, Mr. Drysdale!"