"Hey Opie, I'm gonna go out for a long one" Johnny Paul said as he began running ahead of Opie down the side walk. 1 "I can't play no football Johnny Paul, Pa is expecting me at the courthouse." Johnny Paul stoped in his tracks "Aw Op, Just one long one ain't gonna hurt". "You know my Pa Johnny Paul, if he says come straight to the courthouse after school, he means it." said Opie 2

"Well maybe one pass will be ok, but only one pass only" said Opie

Opie tore off down the street toward the stop sign and Johnny Paul threw a perfect spiral heading in Opie's direction.

"Watch out for the sign!" screamed Johnny Paul. "Look out Opie!" again screamed Johnny Paul.

Unfortunately Opie didn't hear Johnny Paul's plea and Opie ran full speed into the stop sign at the intersection of Main and Maple. 3 Opie could hear Johnny Paul's voice echoing around in his head while he slowly slumped to the sidewalk. A truck on the road screeched to a halt as Goober jumped out and raced around the truck and over to where Opie was lying on the concrete. "Ope!" he yelped in panic, "Opie, are you alright? Can you hear me, buddy?! Ope?" 5 "Goob, is that you?" muttered Opie.

"Yeah, it's me Ope. Don't move, Johnny Paul has gone for help. He'll be right back, Ope" replied Goober.

"Boy you did a number on this sign post!" added Goober. "I haven't seen this sign look so bad since Ernest T. pelted it with rocks" continued Goober. 6 Just then Goober heard the siren on the squad car, help's a comin Ope just take it easy. Barney slams on the breaks and jumps out of the squad car, Opie, are you alright? Goober, what happened here? Well Barn, Johnny Paul through Opie a long pass and Opie ran smack dab into the stop sign!" "Well, I'd better take him over to Doc Bensons to make sure he's ok, Goober, could you run by Floyd's and tell Andy what happened? Tell him to meet me over at Doc's place. 7 Andy is chatting with Floyd at the barber shop, when Goober comes tearing in. "Andy, Opie had a little accident!", he says. "How little? Is he ok?". "He's fine. Barney took him over to Doc Benson's". Andy ran out the door and across the street to the doctor's office. 8

Gosh darn it Opie, what the heck you been doing? Have you and Johnny Paul been tossin the football again. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times don't play football in the middle of the street. 9 "I know, Paw, but I didn't get hurt on the street, I got hurt on the sidewalk when I ran into the stop sign." Andy, smiling slightly said, "Now Opie, that stop sign means you're supposed to stop before you get to it, not to get stopped by it." 10

"Well, I don't guess it's too bad," Andy continuted, "Run along home and let Aunt Bee fix you up." "Okay, Pa," Opie said before leaving. Andy looked back at Floyd and shook his head, "Young 'uns" he said. Floyd smiled, "He's a good fella, Andy. A lot like you when you were his age. I don't remember you ever running into a stop sign though." "No, I don't believe I did," Andy chuckled. "Ah," said Floyd, remembering, "but you did run into a pine tree once. Got sap all over yourself. I had to cut it out of your hair." 11 Andy chuckles and walks out the door.

Andy walks into the courthouse and Barney, who had left the doctor's office when Andy arrived, is sitting in Andy's chair with his back to the door and his feet propped up while talking to Juanita on the phone. "Yeah it was chaos when I got there, just chaos. Goober in a panic, Andy just scared to death, and there I was...calm as a cucumber. Yeah, Opie was in a pickle and I was calm as a cucumber". (Barney does his snort/laugh thing). Andy, who had eased behind Barney says loudly; "Hey Barn!" Barney jumps, hangs up the phone real quick, and turns to face Andy. Andy says; "You're awfully jumpy for such a calm person." Barney replies sarcastically; "Oh thats funny, real funny. Why don't you go over to the barber shop and give Floyd a pair of dull scissors? That'd be funny too!" 12

Barney stands up, and with his fists on his hips, stearnly says, "And by the way, daddy long legs, I think it's about time you sat that boy of yours down and reviewed our policies regarding no horseplay in the street." Andy replies, "But Barn, they weren't actually playing in the street, accidents are bound to happen when boys are horsin' around."

"Look Ange, all I'm saying is, if you sweep these little things under the rug, you're just asking for trouble down the road. Today they're throwing a football at a stop sign, tomorrow they'll be makin' illegal u-turns at that same intersection. But far be it from me to tell you how to raise your boy. Now, if it was my son that was out disrupting the flow of traffic by organizing a game of football out in the middle of the street, well I would get him acquainted real quickly with City Ordinance number 302." 13

About that time the courthouse doors flung open "SUPRISE SUPRISE SUPRISE, bet yopu didnt spect to see me did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, well its me and I brought along Sergeant Carter hes out parking the car and then he's gonna go get a room at the hotel" clamored PFC Pyle. Andy smiles and says, "Well, Gomer its good to see ya how long you gonna be in town?" 15

Gomer replies, "Well Andy, Sergeant Carter wants to spend the whole weekend here in Mayberry. He's always telling me, 'Pyle, someday I'd really like to visit the town that produces a Marine like you!' So here we are. Oh, and Barney, I'm always telling him about you, ya know, how you're always right on top of things and doing everything according to regulation. Sergeant Carter's a real stickler for details too. You two should get along real well." 16

Barney pipes in, "Yeah, uh well, it'll be good to know there's somebody else around here that goes by the book. I'll just bet you Sgt. Carter never finds his Marines out stirring up mayhem in the streets." "Whadaya talkin' about Barney?" asks Gomer. "Oh Barney's sore about the boys playing too close to the street and getting hurt, that's all," says Andy. Barney scowls at Andy and stomps out the front door of the courthouse.

A half block down the street toward the drugstore Barney looks up and stops. "Well what in the world is that!" he exclaims upon seeing a small sedan being parked right smack dab in front of the fire hydrant across the street.

Barney quickly blows his whistle and begins flailing his hands in the air as he takes off across the street (right in the middle of the block). "Hold it there fella, you're illegally parked!" he yells as he whips his citation book out from under his hat. A station wagon blares his horn at Barney as he just makes it across the street without being hit. What Barney doesn't realize as he's beginning to fill out his paperwork and continuing to ramble on about the needs of society to obey traffic laws, is that the driver of the out of town vehicle is Vincent Carter, Gomer's Marine Sergeant and since he's not in uniform, it's rather unlikely that Barney's going to figure this out on his own. 17

Sgt. Carter is getting extremely flustered at this ticket for his traffic violation. "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE I'M JUST A MARINE WANTING TO SEE A LITTLE TOWN!!" he screams in the usual Carter rasp. 18

"That's too bad because everybody's gotta obey the law. Now, pay this at the courthouse before you leave or we'll put out a warrant for your arrest." 19

"Pyle did it! I just know Pyle's got something to do with this. Just wait 'til I get him back to the base...K.P. for a year!!" 20

Hearing the horns and commotion outside, Andy and Gomer come running out of the courthouse. "Barney! What's all this?" Andy shouts above the noise. "I'll tell you what it is, Andy; a further example of clear and simple disobedience of the law!" Barney answered.

"Barney, Sergeant Carter didn't know this was a no parking zone." Gomer pleaded. "Ignorance is no excuse, Gomer. A law has been broken and just because Sergeant Carter here just happens -um...sergeant?(dumbfound look)"

"That's right. Gunnery Sergeant Vincent Carter, United States Marine Corps!", Carter bellowed.

Barney lowered his citation book, "Um...(clears throat)..well, (clears throat)..ya see...I'm a lawman. Gomer's probably told you that. And I'm sworn to uphold it...the law, that is..(clears throat)..and that's what I'm bound to do (trails off)..." Carter looked at Gomer, "Is this Deputy Fife, Pyle?" Gomer nodded yes "Uh-huh."

"Sheriff, I want to commend you. This man is a credit to your department. I see that everything Pyle told me is correct. We could use men like this in the Corps." (Barney smiles at that) "Thank you Sergeant. That's quite a compliment," Andy grinned. "By the way, Sheriff...haven't I seen you before?" Andy clears his throat and changes the subject, "Uh..Sergeant, have you seen the courthouse?" 21

"Hey, Andy, can I show Sergeant Carter the roof where I captured those four crooks by dropping the Christmas lights, that time?", Gomer asks. "Sure, Gomer. Sergeant, you have to see this and hear the story for yourself. You will not believe... I want you to know you will not believe it". 22 "If Pyle had anything to do with it, I'll believe it!" Carter quipped.

Otis Campbell came running (well, shuffling) down the street frantically searching for Andy. "Sheriff! Sheriff! Andy!!!"

"Otis, what in the world is the matter?" Andy asked the heavily-breathing Otis.

"Andy...I...had...to...tell...(breath)...I think I better catch my breath."

Barney shook his head, "Boy, Otis, you just don't take care of yourself, do ya? All that alcohol's lowering your metabolization."

Andy scowered at Barney and then turned to Otis, "Ok, Otis, you've got your breath. Now, what is it?"

"Two men-state police I think-are in your office and they've got a prisoner!" Otis said.

"Well, let's go see what they want," Andy said as he started heading for the courthouse, the other four behind him.

Andy and the crew walked into the courthouse. Inside were two uniformed State Police officers and a prisoner already in the cell. "Howdy-do, Officer, I'm Sheriff Taylor," Andy said as he extended his hand toward the closest police man.

"Hello, Sheriff. I'm Sergeant Green and this is Corporal Barclay."

Andy grinned, "Pleased to meet ya. What brings you boys down into these parts?" "

Last night, two men escaped from the County work farm. We caught one but the other one is still on the loose, Sheriff." Andy shook his head, "I wish I'd of heard about this sooner, I'd have a search party combing the woods."

"Well, we tried to call, Sheriff, but we could never get through," Green said. "Oh, that's alright with me," then Andy glared at Barney, "is it alright with Juanita?" Green continued, "We'll be out patrolling Highway 6. If you and your men could patrol along County Road 12, it sure would help."

Before Andy could say anything, Sergeant Carter chimed in, "We'd be happy to help you boys out. Wouldn't we Andy?" 23

Barney getting excited, "No no no! You fellows need to stay here,this is official police buisness. Right Andy?" "I'm affraid he's right fellows" Andy replied hurrying to the gun rack to grab a rifle. "Barny, ya got your bullet?" "Right here in my shirt pocket; pollished and ready." They both hurrily head out the front door of the court house. 24

"I guess we can trust the marines, can't we, Ange?" "Well, sure". 25

As Barney and Andy hurried out the door, Gomer picked up the phone. Sgt. Carter asked, "Pyle what are you doing? "Oh, it's ok, replied Gomer. "Hellow, Sarah? It's me Gomer! Yeah, that's right, Gomer Pyle. I mean Private First Class Gomer Pyle United States Marine Corps! That's right" Gomer went on. "Hey Sarah, how's your momma doin?" "PYLE!" yelled Carter. 26

With Andy, Barney and the two State Policeman gone in hot pursuit, Sergeant Carter takes the initiative. Carter grabs Gomer's arm, "Pyle, these guys dont' know anything about stalking prey in the wilderness. This is a terrific time to put some of our marine training to the test!" Gomer put the phone down, "Gosh, Sarge, I don't know. Andy left us in charge of the courthouse." Carter's nose flared, "Are you telling me you don't want to help track down this dangerous criminal?" Gomer's shoulders slump, "Well....LET'S GO!" Carter commands as he runs over to the gun cabinet, gets himself and Gomer a rifle and leads the way out the door.. 27

The two promptly bump into a man standing outside the door. "Out of the way mister" yells Sgt.Carter and grabs Pyle by the arm. The man extends a arm out and holds them back while asking, "Where is the Sherrif?"

"Look, he's busy and were Marines on a mission right now" replies Carter. "And by the way who are you?" "Police Inspector Harrison." 28

"Mind if I look around the couthouse?" "Sure, mister" says Carter. "Make yourself at home", and without another word Sgt. Carter pushes the resistent Gomer into the back seat of the car. Inspector Harrison enters the courthouse, and starts perusing the room. 29

*MEANWHILE*

Gomer Pyle and Sgt. Carter are in the car, and

Gomer asks "Hey, Sargeant, how about about the radio?". "No time for tunes, Pyle. We've gotta keep on the lookout for this escapee guy!". Suddenly, the car makes a loud -KLANG- noise, and then it conks out in the middle of the road. "What the..." Sgt. Carter exclaims. "I just checked this baby 'bout a week ago!".

"Could be 'ya gauge", says Gomer, trying to help. "Sometimes she'll tell 'ya an F when 'ya really got yourself an E! E means empty, F means full". Sgt. Carter gets out the car and looks around. "Must be three, maybe four miles to the next town...we'll have to go on foot, Pyle, and maybe, if we're lucky, get ourselves a ride". "Whatever you say, Sarge", says Gomer. 30

"Hey, Sarge, there ain't nobody out here. And it's gittin' dark out!" "Marines aren't supposed to be afraid of the dark, Pyle. And besides, we have to keep moving. The next town should be almost a mile..."

(both hear a loud rumbling noise)

"What in the name of...? Run, Pyle, run!"32 "

Hey, Ange, let's turn in for tonight, OK?" "Yeah, Barn, I think so. Hold on", said Andy. "Who's that up ahead?" "That's him! He's our man!"

Barney takes his only bullet and loads his pistol, being especially careful not to accidently fire. However, as Barney is approaching, with his gun drawn, the convict breathes a labored breath and collapses to the ground. "Gomer?"

"Barney?"33

"Where's Sgt. Carter?" "DON'T shoot!! I'm over here in the ditch, Sheriff."

"What in the WORLD are you two doing out here? Didn't I tell you to stay at the courthouse and wait?"

"I told you so, Sargeant." "Pyle..." "I said we ort not leave the courthouse." "PYLE." "I just you just wasn't thinkin'." "PYLE!" yelled Carter as he got right in Gomer's face. "Just WAIT til I get you back to the base!"

"Now Sgt. Carter. Gomer's right. I know you're trained soliders but I DID ask you to watch the courthouse for me. You ought to know that no matter how small a job seems that all of them are important. If they caught that feller, how are we gonna know since nobody's there to answer the phone?" "Ange, Sarah will know." "Barn, I'm a tryin' to make a point."

"You're exactly right, Sheriff. I should have obeyed orders. I guess my pride got the best of me."

"Don't worry about it...this time. I expect that Barney's right. Sarah will know if the State Police called.  Why don't we go over to my house and have use some supper? I bet Aunt Bee's been working r-e-a-l hard to keep it warm for us."

"Shazam! Oh, you're in for a treat, Sgt.Carter. Aunt Bee is the best cook in town."

Contributors
1. Allan Newsome (anewsome@aol.com) posted 19:47:24 03/12/01.
2. Robin Jaynette (Rt1MayberryNC@yahoo.com) posted 14:37:22 03/13/01.
3. Lamar Minor (jlamarminor@bellsouth.net) posted 18:01:20 03/13/01.
5. Brandon Patrick (bjspot@hotmail.com) posted 19:44:36 03/24/01.
6. Lamar Minor (tgminor@bellsouth.net) posted 20:18:59 03/27/01.
7. Jeff Humphreys (jbraves2000@yahoo.com) posted 12:20:12 04/01/01.
8. Dustin (kabridust45215@yahoo.com) posted 16:59:38 04/08/01.
9. Opie from IP 204.48.23.147 posted 15:19:46 04/13/01.
10. Andy Killian (andykillian@hotmail.com) posted 10:49:45 05/25/01.
11. Scott Patterson (spatersn@bellsouth.net) posted 19:50:06 06/05/01.
12. Andy Killian (andykillian@hotmail.com) posted 22:16:15 06/23/01.
13. Kirk Green (kirk_green@hotmail.com) posted 10:24:55 07/03/01.
15. Scott Burnside (scottburnside@webtv.net) posted 02:02:52 07/08/01.
16. Kirk Green (kirk_green@hotmail.com) posted 09:02:00 07/09/01.
17. Kirk Green (kirk_green@hotmail.com) posted 15:53:32 07/10/01.
18. MIchael (congadrummer@hotmail.com) posted 14:03:12 10/12/01.
19. Dustin (kabridust45215@yahoo.com) posted 19:36:15 11/09/01.
20. Sam (1jesusfreak@bellsouth.net) posted 14:19:41 11/10/01.
21. Scott Patterson (signsgra@bellsouth.net) posted 22:41:09 11/26/01.
22. Dustin (kabridust45215@yahoo.com) posted 10:54:14 12/12/01.
23. Scott Patterson (signsgra@bellsouth.net) posted 14:12:02 01/03/02.
24. Chris Folks (hillbilly4eve@hotmail.com) posted 19:54:18 01/07/02.
25. Dustin (kabridust45215@yahoo.com) posted 12:30:04 01/10/02.
26. Dallas Parker (parkerdj@netzero.net) posted 23:14:36 01/19/02.
27. Scott Patterson (signsgra@bellsouth.net) posted 20:30:04 01/24/02.
28. Jim (redwhiskeypete@attbi.com) posted 17:05:46 02/05/02.
29. anonymous (anonymous @anonymous.com) posted 11:28:02 02/08/02.
30. anonymous@anoymous.com posted 11:49:19 02/08/02.
32. anonymous posted 06:00:54 02/10/02.
33. gg (ggg) posted 06:10:33 02/10/02.