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"Hey Barn, I heard from Andy, Jr. last night." Barney raises the tip of his hat and turns his head to look at Andy, "You did? How's he doing?"
"Fine. Just fine. He says he'll be here tomorrow afternoon. He's still a little down that he wasn't here for little Adam Jackson Taylor's birth last month. I told him that he wouldn't have been at the birth even if he was in town unless he was in the back of that car with me and Eunice." "Yeah, that's true enough. How's Opie doing in his first month as a "paw?"
"He's not had any sleep and I expect it'll be a few more weeks before he does sleep. Junior being at college like he is, Opie under stood him not being here and he told Andy so."
"Well, he's not missed too much of the baby's life. Little Adam will enjoy spending time with his Uncle Andy I'm sure. I doubt he'll remember that Junior wasn't there at his birth." Barney begins to laugh and Andy joins him, "Nawh, I don't expect he will." 1
"Adam is the 3rd generation of us Taylor men to have a middle name of Jackson. Andrew Jackson, Opie Jackson and now Adam Jackson Taylor."
Barney looks up dazed and asks Andy, "you know, I can't remember. Where did the Jackson part come from anyway?"2
Andy gets that twinkle in his eye & grin and says "Well Barn, it's a historical connection. One that I am sure the "Mayberry Minutemen" when Opie was a boy could connect with."
"Ya know Barn with your hobby and expertise being history, I bet you could make the connection.." 3 Just then the courthouse window comes crahing in, Barney looks at Andy and says, "You know whos back in town don't you?!" As Barney opens the door he hears that unmistakable voice say, "I'm back deputy! and this time I'm gonna bust every winder in sight!" 4 "Doggone you, Ernest T., I'm gonna get you this time. You've busted up you're LAST window, you hear me?" says Barn, with a glimpse of anger in his eyes. 5
Ernest T. laughed and ran off down Main Street jumping and turning to look back toward the courthouse every few jumps. "What'd you think that NUT is doing back in town, Andy? He was just in town last month with that Myers Lake Monster story. It's not like him to show up again so soon. He's usually off in the hills for a while before he makes his way back down here."6
"I'm not sure what Ernest T.'s doing here but for now all we can do is keep an eye on him."
"Boy, you haven't changed at all even after all these years. Still taking things slow...waitin' to see what happens. Me, I'm a man of action. Yes sir. You can't ask Barney Fife to just sit and wait. I think I'll go and corner him and just give him what-for."
"He'd kill ya'." Andy says as he smiles at Barney because they both remember those words from years ago. Barney's not smiling though and he looks at Andy with his lips pressed tight together. "You think you're funny, don't ya?! OH, you're funny alright...." Barney walks in the back room and Andy can't quite make out the remainder of Barney's comment but Andy's smile grows even larger as memories of the way things were and are again fill his face. 7
Andy reaches for the phone and starts to tell Sarah to get his house for him but realizes that Mayberry has moved a little beyond the days when Sarah handled all the calls. He uses the dial that was added to the old candle-stick phone to call Helen and let her know that Andy Jr. will be home tomorrow. Andy tells Helen about Ernest T. jumping through town and about Barney wanting to give him "what-for." Helen adds, "He'd kill him" and they both share a warm laugh. 8 As Andy says his goodbyes to Helen, he decides to take a walk around town to check things out, he hollers to Barney that he'll be back afterwhile and tells him not to forget the school crossing, unfortunately, Andy was in a hurry and did not check the back room, if he had , he would have noticed that Barney was gone, he had taken off his uniform, put on his street clothes, (the ols salt and pepper) and headed out the back door intent on teaching Ernest T. a lesson. 9
The doorbell rings at the Talylor house and Helen goes to answer the door. When she opens it she sees Gomer standing there with a look of fear on his face. Helen says, "Gomer, what's the trouble?" Gomer responds, "just heard that Opie was in an accident and your phone was busy". 10
Helen, completely shocked. Looks at Gomer with terror as she bombards him with questions. "What? Opie in an accident! What happen? Is he alright? How did you find out? Who told you?"
Gomer replied, "Well to start off with I got it from Laura Lee Hobbs down at the dime store. She said that Mr. Lathan was sitting out front of the shop when she went there to get the latest on the town gossip. And she told me that he told her that Sarah Smith told him that Opie was in an accident."
"Well?" Helen asked impatiently "How did Sarah Smith find out?"
Gomer answered "From Miss Martha"
Helen being to lose her temper says "Gomer, What happen to Opie?!"
Gomer responds with "Well, you know he has been staying up late with little Adam, and he hasn't had much time for him self. So he went outside on the porch, to relax while Cynthia watched the baby, and you'll never guess what happened."
Helen, exasperated almost yells "Gomer!"
"Ya know how fond Opie is of baseball. Well some of the neighborhood children came over wanting to play, and Opie being the fine young man that he is played with them. And you'll never guess what happened"
Helen, almost losing all self control yells "GOMER! WHAT HAPPENED TO OPIE?"
Gomer replies "He broke a window. Now don't that beat all. Somethings never change."
Helen, relieved, but also exasperated retorted "Is that what you got me all worked up about?"
Gomer responded innocently "Yeah. I thought you might like to hear about it. Kinda brings back memories. Well, I got to go tell cousin Goober he'll get a kick out of it. Tell Andy that Gomer says 'hey'!"
Helen replied "Okay, bye Gomer."
Gomer heads over to the G&G Garage to tell Goober, and Helen goes back inside the house to fix lunch for Andy and Barney. 11
Meanwhile, detective Fife was in hot pursuit of Ernest T. Bass. As Barney walked down Willow Ave. he heard a familiar wild laugh. He knew Ernest T. was near by. The ever prepared deputy began to load "baby" with his trusty bullet when suddenly he realized that he left it in the pocket of his uniform. So, he gets ready to take Ernest T. viz-`a-viz (you know--hand-to-hand). Ernest T. Bass emerges from the house in front of Barney, with a sack of rocks by his side. Barney, not wanting to hurt Ernest T. Bass, gives him a chance to give himself up. Barney says "Alright, Bass, I'm giving you to the count of three to drop those cotten-pickin' rocks and come with me!"
"Now you listen here deputy," Ernest T. began "These here are my bestest rocks" he said, motioning to his bag of rocks.
"ONE," Barney said as he began to count.
"Deputy I ain'ta 'bout to give myself up." said Ernest T.
"TWO," Barney continued.
"I'm uh warning you deputy," Ernest T. said threateningly "you say three and I'll nock you right between the eyes with this here rock."
"THR-" Barney began, but thought about the consequences of continuing. Knowing he must fulfill his duty as an office of the law, without regard of personal welfare and safety, he proceeds. "TH-Th-thr-three?" Barney stammered with fear runing through his body he prepares himself for the first blow.
"I warned you, deputy!" Ernest T. Bass said as he picked up a rock, making good his threat "I's goin' hit you right betwe--- well, howdy Sheriff!" Barney looked back to see Andy standing behind him with his arms crossed. "Andy I'm glad you're here. I was just about to arrest Ernest T. Bass here for disturbing the peace and committing a 710!" Barney said quickly.
"So I see." Andy replied simply, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "Okay Ernest T." Andy continued, "we're goin' to go to the courthouse and find out what this is all about."
Ernest T. reply "I'm your slave."
"You're a nut." Barney said under his breath as they make their way toward the courthouse. When inside, Andy locked him in cell #2 and asked, "Alright, Ernest T., what is your problem this time?"
"Ain't no problem sheriff, I ain't got no problem at all." was Ernest T's reply.
"Well, then why are busting window?" Andy asked.
"Because he's a NUT that why." came Barney's quick response.
"Barney!" said Andy "Go ahead, Ernest T."
"Well you see it's like this sheriff, me and Romeena is a getting hitched. I finally saved enough money to get a tent and a lantern for our honeymoon." Ernest T. replied happily.
"So, why are you breaking windows?" Andy asked again.
"Alls I was a doin' is invitin' ya to the wedding." Ernest T. answered.
Barney retorted "Don't you know anything? You don't invite folks to a wedding by throwing rock through windows! You send them a note, not a rock."
"That's just what I done deputy, I's had a note attached to that rock I threw in here." Ernest T. said.
"You're suppose to send it by mail!" Barney replied.
"I's a male!" Ernest T. responed.
"You're a nut!" said Barney
"Alright! Be quiet, both of you." Andy said. "Ernest T. will come to your wedding, but you've got to learn that you can't throw rocks!" 12
“I right glad you’s goin’ come to my weddin’, sheriff. ‘Cause I’d hoped you’d be the one to get us hitched.” Ernest T. stated.
“Well, I’ll be happy to perform the ceremony, Ernest T., you’ve just got to stop throw rocks!”
“Okay, sheriff. I give you my word, I won’t throw one more rock.” Ernest T. promised.
“Good!” as Andy started to walk toward the desk he said, “Hey, Barn, I’m going to go home for lunch today, wanna come along? I called Helen and told her you might come.”
“Well, I don’t know, Anj.” Barney began.
“Well, why not?” questioned Andy.
“Thelma Lou might have other plans”
“Well, then give her a call and ask if she want to eat lunch at my house.” Andy said.
“I don’t know!” Barney hesitated.
“Well, why not?”
“Well, I can’t stand those frozen TV dinners that Helen gets, if you must know! I told you before you married her that she couldn’t cook! But you wouldn’t listen, so now you’re paying for it. How long has it been since you had a leg of lamb?” Barney inquired.
“Oh, Barn…” Andy began when the courthouse door opened and Helen walked in.
“What’s wrong with frozen TV dinners?” Andy continued to ask Barney as he sat down behind the desk.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. Why’d ya asks?” Barney said, trying to cover up what he had said before about Helen’s cooking.
Helen not paying any attention to their conversation said, “Oh, Andy, why didn’t you tell me Ernest T. was here? I only brought enough for you and Barney.”
“We just brought him in a few minutes ago and I was planning on goin’ home for lunch, and bring Ernest T. back something.” Andy answered.
“Uh, Helen, don’t worry about not having enough, uh, I need to find out what Thelma Lou’s up to.” Barney said as he made his way out the door, “I’ll be back after while, Anj.”13
"Barney wait!" Andy called out, "There's no sense in you running all the way home. When you can just call her on the phone."
"Oh, that's alright." Barney quickly replied, thinking about those tv dinners, that Helen normally prepares. "I don't mind. The exercise is good for a slender high spirited person, like myself."
"Oh come on Barney," Andy insisted. "Give Thelma lou a call, that way if she don't have anything planned, you can stay and have some of the food, that Hellen was so thoughtful to make for us."
"Well, alright." Barney reluctantly agreed. He then started towards the telephone, on Andy's desk. "But, I just know that she'll have something planned."
"Actually, Barney, there's really no point in you calling Thelma Lou." Hellen spoke up.
"No, no." Barney quickly replied, as he dialed his home telephone number. "Thelma Lou would never forgive me, if she's made a big lunch, and I didn't even give her a call."
"But, Barney!" Hellen continued.
Barney, ignoring Hellen sat down on the edge of the desk, with his back to the door.
Just then, the front door opened, and Thelma lou stepped in. A little older, but just a pretty as ever. 14
"Hey, Barney!" said Thelma Lou.
"Hi, Thel." Barney said into the phone, thinking he was talking to her over courthouse telephone. "Say, How did you know it was me?"
Thelma Lou glanced at Andy, and Hellen. The three of them trying hold back their laughter. And, she replied. "Well, It was just a guess."
"Say, Thel, Do you have anything planned for lunch?" he continued.
"Well, actually Barney." She replied, with a grin. "Hellen, and I had plan to drive up to Mount Pilot. We thought we would do a little shopping. Hellen said, that she would bring you and Andy's lunch by the courthouse." She almost laughed, when she said. "I told Hellen, I would meet her at the courthouse, and we would go on to Mount Pilot from there."
"Oh, alright Thel," responded Barney. "Say, I've got an idea. Andy, you and Hellen got any plans tonight?" Barney asked, without looking around.
"No, that I know of. Hellen?" Andy looked to see if she had made any plans.
"Why no, Barney." she replied. "We haven't made any plans."
"Then say, how about the four of us going out for dinner tonight." Barney said, in an up tone. "We go out to Morelli's. It's just been ages, since we've been there."
Thelma Lou tried to look serious. "Dutch treat, I suppose?"
Barney frowned, still not realizing Thelma Lou was in the same room, and replied. "What do you think I am, a cheap skate?! Don't you know when Barney Fife has a night out on the town, he spares no expense." He continued.
"Oh you're right." Thelma Lou, replied with a smile. "I forgot my Barney is one of the last, of the big time spenders." As she said this tipped toed up to the desk, and gave Barney a little kiss on the side of his face.
Barney, startled by this whirled around, with his eyes bugged out. When he realized what had happened, he smiled and said. "For heaven's sake. Thelma lou, have you been standing there, this whole time?"
Thelma Lou smiled, and nodded her head.
Hellen, then glanced at her watch, and stated. "Thelma Lou, we better go now. Before it get's any later."
"Alright, we talk about going to Morelli's when we get back." she replied. "Bye boys!"
"Bye, Girls!" Andy, and Barney said, at the same time, as Hellen and Thelma Lou, walked out the courthouse door. 15 Andy opened the picknick basket containing the luch that Helen had made for them fully expecting to find two t.v. dinners, he looks up and says, hey Barn, look at this, pork chop sammiches fron the Snappy Lunch! dig in BARN! 16
As, Andy and Barney ate their lunch, they discussed their plans, for that night.
"Boy, I sure am looking forward to tonight." said Barney. "Say, Ange. You haven't gotten out there, since you moved back to town? Have you?" Barney asked, as he refilled his coffee cup.
"Morelli's?" replied Andy. "No. It's been twenty years, since I've been in there. Is it just a fancy, as it used to be? With the checkered table cloths, and everything?"
"What are you kidding me?" Barney replied, a little surprised, at first, then he continued with an aire of confidence. "It's just as nice in there, as it ever was. It hasn't hardly changed a bit. You, know you just don't go messing around with perfection. Why, Morelli's is almost a national monument."
"Is that fellow, that walked around playing the fiddle, still there?" asked Andy.
"Are you kidding?" replied Barney. "Morelli's wouldn't let a talent like that slip through their fingers. Of course, he can't play as long as he used to. He has a little touch of arthritis, in his fingers."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." replied Andy.
"But, now it doesn't effect the quality of his playing." Barney quickly stated.
Andy smiled, and said. "I suppose you still have to give him a quarter, when he stands by the table, and plays his fiddle?"
"A quarter?!" Barney replied, insulted. "Now, there you go. What do you think I am, a cheapskate?!"
"I'm sorry Barney." Andy replied sincerely. "I forgot how sensitive you are."
"Don't you think, I know times change." Barney continued, more irritated.
"You're right, I'm sorry." said Andy.
"And, I'm not sensitive!" Barney replied, still frustrated.
"I know it, Barn." said Andy.
Barney more calm, now says. "I know you can't just give a quarter, as a tip any more." Barney now relaxed, says. "I usually just slip him, a half of a dollar."
Andy looks at Barney, with a serious look on his face, and states. "You're generous Barn."
Barney, looking slightly embarrassed, replies. "Well, I don't like to brag." 17 "Hey, Sheriff, I ain't had no lunch." Ernest T. shouted from the cell. "What are you goin' do with me now that you got me all clankedy up in here?"
Barney shouts back "We haven't figured that out yet."
"Well," Andy began as he rose from his desk and made his way toward the cell, "I guess we can let you go."
"Let him go?" Barney interrupted, as he too quickly made his way toward the cell Ernest T. Bass was locked in.
"Well, Barney, there is no sense in letting him starve to death." Andy said. Turning to Ernest T. he continued. "Now, Ernest T. Bass, before I let you go I want you to promise me that you'll not break anymore windows."
"I done give you my word that I wouldn't throw anymore rocks." Ernest T. said.
Andy with a look of dissatisfaction said "No, that's not good enough. I want you to promise me that you won't break anymore windows. Now, don't say it unless you mean it."
"Alright, Sheriff," Ernest T. began. Raising his hand he said "I promise that I won't break anymore" putting his hand down and quickly finishing "windows."
"Look, Bass, if you ever want to get out of here you better do like the sheriff says." Barney said, over reacting to the situation as usual.
"Alright, I won't break anymore windows." Ernest T. Bass said with his hand raised.
As Andy began to unlock the cell he said sternly "See that you don't."
As soon as the cell door was open Ernest T. Bass ran out. Just before he went out the door he said "I'll be back in a hour with Romeena." Then he quickly closed the door. From inside the courthouse they hear his wild laughter as he goes to get Romeena for the wedding.18
As Ernest T. sprinted down the sidewalk he ran into none other than Malcome Merryweather, he looked at Malcome and asked, you wanna come to see me and my beloveded Romeena get hitched you no good, low down, skunky englishter? Malcome smiled and said, Mr. Bass, it would be an honer to attend your nuptuals, Ernest T. said, well, you comin or not? 19
"Ah, yes!" Malcolm began, "It would be a pleasure."
Ernest T. said nothing to this but began his wild laughter as he ran for the woods to get Romeena. Malcolm Merriweather continued on his way to the courthouse. When he arrived he parked his bike by the bench in front of the courthouse. He stared at the doors for a moment, then took a deep breath and opened the door.20
Meanwhile, in the courthouse, Andy and Barney had already finished their lunch.
"Boy, that sure was a fine meal." Andy remarked, as they cleaned up.
"It sure was." Barney admitted, "And to think, I was afraid, that I was going to have to throw mine away." Barney realising what he had said, suddenly blared his eyes at Andy in embarrassment.
"That's all right, Barney." Andy stated, unoffended. "I know you're not fond of those t.v. dinners, that Hellen normally prepares."
"Well, anyway." Barney continued. "It sure was good."
Andy, then glanced up, at the clock, over his desk, and stated. "You know, I think I'm going to take patrol today. I've got time before Ernest T. comes back with Romeena. I might drive out by Myers Lake." He then glanced at Barney. "You want to come?"
Barney, who had started sweeping, leaned against the broom, and glanced at the cot, in the back room. "I don't know Andy. I better stay here, in case any important calls come in."
Andy, knowing that his deputy frequently took naps, after meals, just smiled and said. "All right, I'll see you in about an hour." Andy started to the door, as he reached for it, he quickly stated. "And Barney, leave the door to the back room open, in case any calls do come in, you will be able to hear the phone ring, while you're taking your nap."
Barney, caught off guard, replied. "Okay Anje. I'll do that." Barney frowned, and stated. "Oh you think you're so smart don't you." He then stormed off, into the back room.
Andy laughed, in good humor, over his overly sensitive Deputy, and started out the front door.
But, just as he opened the door, he saw Malcolm Merriweather standing there.
"Why, Malcolm Merriweather, How are ya?" Andy asked, immediately recognizing the old gentleman.
Malcolm, a little surprised by the door suddenly being opened, replied. "Why, "ello' constable. I mean Andy, How are ya?" 21
"Well, we're doing alright. What are you doing in these parts?" asked Andy
Malcolm replied, "I was on holiday and decided to come for a visit."
"Well, then you are just coming to my house." insisted Andy.
"I really couldn't be a bother." Malcolm replied hesitant.
"Nonsense you just come with me. And I won't take no for a answer." Andy said, and off they went to the Taylor Home.
When they arrived at Andy's house. Malcolm looked around, and asked. "Where's the little woman?" Malcolm paused, and glanced at Andy. "That is what you Americans say?"
Andy nodded his head. "Some of us do."
"Ah! Good show!" replied Malcolm. "So, where is Miss Crump."
"It's Mrs. Taylor, now." Andy corrected.
"Oh, that's what I meant." Malcolm replied sincerely.
"Hellen, and Thelma Lou, Barney's wife, went into Mount Pilot." Andy stated. "It was a last minute decision. Actually, I was suppose to come home for lunch today. But instead she decided to go into Mount Pilot."
"Oh isn't that too bad." replied Malcolm. "Then you haven't had your lunch, yet. I know, I'll just pop off into the kitchen, and prepare you a little snack."
As Malcolm started off towards the kitchen, Andy spoke up. "That's all right, Malcolm. I've already had lunch. Hellen brought it over to the courthouse. But, thanks anyway." Andy turned and started out the front door. "Just put your things away, and make yourself at home."
Malcolm glanced down at his satchel, he had been carrying, and nodded, his head.
"I've got to get back to the courthouse. I've got a wedding ceremony to perform, in just a little while." Andy continued.
"Oh, yes." replied Malcolm. "I met up with your Mr. Bass, on the sidewalk. I promised him, I would also attend."
"Good, I'll see you later, then." Andy, then, walked out the front door. 23
After closing the front door he paused on the porch for a moment. With a questioning look on his face he began to make his way back to the courthouse. Once inside the courthouse he saw Barney sitting on the couch, in the back room, getting ready to take a nap. Andy walked in as Barney was untying his shoe. Barney, still unaware of Andy’s presents, began to take off his socks. Andy put his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. Barney took off his cap and laid down on the couch.
Andy then asked, “What’ch ya doin’, Barn?”
Barney, completely shocked, stood up quickly and stammered, “Oh, uh, Andy! I didn’t hear you come in!”
Andy replied calmly “So I see. Well, Barn, what were you doin’?”
Barney, still not sure how to cover up that he was going to take a nap asked, “What’d ya say, Anj?”
Andy said, “I asked you what you were doin’.”
Barney replied, “Oh… well… I was cleaning. Uh, yeah! That’s it! I was cleaning!”
Andy asked, “Laying down?”
Barney retorted, “I was not laying down! I was just… uh… looking at the ceiling.”
Andy, still not satisfied, continued to question Barney. “What were you looking at the ceiling for?”
Barney, still not ready to admit the truth replied, “Just making sure there weren’t any cobwebs up there.”
Having a good time, Andy responded, “With your shoes off?”
“Oh, well, about that. I can explain.” Barney stated
“Well, go ahead.” Andy said
“Ya see, Anj, when I was sweeping some dirt got in my shoes so I took them off to clean it out.”
Andy said nothing to this, but continued to give Barney a dissatisfied look.
“Well I was!” Barney retaliated, “You beat everything, you know that!”
Andy could contain his laughter no longer. Smiling he said “Oh, Barney, I was just picking at ya. I don’t care if you take a nap every now and then.”
Putting his shoes back on Barney said, “Yeah, well, you sure have a funny way of showing it. By the way, what are you doing back so early?”
“Oh, I ran into Malcolm Merriweather just outside the courthouse. I took him over to my house so he could get settled for his visit. So I decided to come back early. Besides I’ve got to get things ready for Ernest T. Bass’s wedding. ”
“Well, what’s Malcolm doing back in town?” Barney asked.
Andy answered, “He said he was on a ‘holiday’.” That dissatisfied look began to come over Andy’s face again as he said, “Ya know, Barn, Malcolm, said that Ernest T. invited him to his wedding.”
“So?” Barney asked.
“Oh that’s right,” Andy began, “You had already moved to Raleigh when he came last.”
He told Barney about what had happened the last time Malcolm had come to Mayberry so he would know why Andy was so puzzled over the situation.
“And another thing,” Andy continued, “he asked me to perform the ceremony. I’m sure you remember the time we had to get a preacher to marry Dud and Charlene all over again because Ernest T. clamed that they weren’t ‘rightly married’.”
“Oh, yeah! I couldn’t forget a thing like that.” Barney replied. “Why do you suppose he did all this?”
“I don’t know.” Andy said. “Maybe we’ll find out at the wedding. In the meantime I need to look for my black book. I haven’t seen it in years.”
“Its got to be around here somewhere.” Barney stated, “I’ll help you look for it.”
“Naw, that’s alright. I’ll look for it myself, I need you to go get some rice. And you might get some flowers too, while you’re at it.” Andy said.
“Okay, Anj.” Barney replied.
“Thanks, Barn. Hurry back! Ernest T. will be here in a little bit.”
“I’ll be back in ten minutes” Barney said as he walked out the door.
Andy continued to look for his book. He finally found it in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. Not long after that Barney returned with the rice and bouquet.
As Barney walked in the door of the courthouse he asked “Ernest T. not here yet?”
“No, not yet. Malcolm still isn’t here either. But I’m expecting them any minute.” Andy responded.
Barney, glad to know he wasn’t late, said, “That’s good. Sorry it took me so long, Andy. I had to keep explaining to Mr. Peterson at the flower shop that I wasn’t getting remarried. You know how suspicious he is of everyone who’s married that comes into his shop to buy wedding bouquet.”
“Well, I think I would be too.” Andy said.
“Well, not after someone explained why a dozen times!” Barney said a little aggravated.
“Yeah, I guess so.” Andy agreed “I’m sorry to put you to all that trouble.”
“It was any trouble, I was glad to do it.” Barney replied.
“You’re a fine pubic servant, Barn.” said Andy.
“Well, I try.” Barney stated modestly.
At that moment Malcolm walked in the courthouse.
“’Ello’ Andy, Barney!” Malcolm said as he came over to the desk to join Andy and Barney.
“Hey, Malcolm.” greeted Andy and Barney.
“Is Mr. Bass not ‘ere yet?” Malcolm asked.
“No, not yet, but he should be on his-” Before Andy finished his sentence Ernest T. Bass and Ramona walked in the door.
“I’m here, I’m here, with my Romeena dear!” Ernest T. said as they came in the door.
“Oh, Ernie you say the nicest things!” Ramona replied happily.
Andy and Barney were surprised to see Ernest T. dress appropriately with his hair combed neatly. They all exchanged greetings. Until an impatient Ernest said, “Alrighty, let’s get on with the weddin’.”
“Yes, we want to hurry on our honeymoon before it starts to rain.” Ramona agreed.
“Okay, first I need both of you to sign this marriage license.” said Andy. Ernest T. and Ramona quickly signed the license. “Okay, let’s all take our places. Barney have you got the bouquet?” Andy asked.
“Tha what?” Ernest T. asked.
“It’s a nosegay.” Malcolm replied.
“What might that be?” Ernest T. asked again.
“It’s flowers, Ernest T.” Andy said as Barney handed Ramona the bouquet.
“Well, why didn’t ya say so in the first place?” Ernest T. replied.
“We did, you just don’t-” Barney began, but was interrupted by Andy who simply said “Barney.” and nodded his head.
“Let’s get started.” Andy said, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together in the presents of this company to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”
“In what?” Ernest T. asked.
“In holy matrimony. It means you’re getting married.” Andy answered.
“Oh, I’s just making sure.” Ernest T. replied. “Keep goin’.”
“Okay. Do you Ernest T. Bass take Ramona to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward as long as you both shall live?”
“Yeah, yeah! I do!” Ernest T. replied.
“Do you Ramona Wiley take Ernest T. to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward as long as you both shall live?”
“I sure do, sheriff.” replied Ramona.
“What do you give as a token that you will keep this pledge and perform these vows?”
Ernest T. just looked at Andy with a blank expression on his face.
“Well,” Andy asked, “do you have a ring?”
“Nope. I never wore one.” replied Ernest T.
“It’s customary for the groom to give the bride a ring.” Andy stated.
“Well, no groom ever gave me a ring.” Ernest T. responded.
“Well, we’ll see if we can’t work something out.” Andy said. “Barney,” he nodded his head for him to come closer, he whisper, “go to the back room. There’s a bottle with a metal ring under the cap, in the cabinet. Get it. It’s the blue bottle.”
“Yeah, I know which one you’re talking about. I’ll be right back.” Barney whispered back. He went to the back room to get the “ring”. “Here we are!” Barney stated as he came out of the back room. He handed the ring to Ernest T.
“Thanky, groom.” Ernest T. said to Barney.
“I’m not the groom! You are!” Barney retorted.
“What do you mean I are?” Ernest T. said
Andy answered, “You see Ernest T., the groom is the man who’s getting married.”
“But you said the groom was supposed to give the ring, and your deputy gave me the ring.” Ernest T. questioned.
“No, I said that the groom is suppose to give the ring to the bride. That’s why Barney gave you the ring, so you could give it to Ramona. Understand?” Andy asked Ernest T. who nodded his head to say ‘yes’. “Go ahead and see if it fits.” Andy said.
Ernest T. put the ring on Ramona’s finger. “It fits fine.” Ramona said.
“Good!” said Andy. “Let’s move on. If anyone here knows why these two should not be wed let him speak now or forever hold his peace. By the authority invested in me as Justice of the Peace of the town of Mayberry I here do pronounce you man and wife. Well, Ernest T., you can kiss her now.” Andy finished.
After Ernest T. and Ramona kissed, and everyone gave them their best wishes, Andy then decided to ask Ernest T. why he wanted him to
perform his wedding. “Ernest T., why did you want me to perform your wedding? I thought you only approved of a preacher wedding.”
“Oh, we’re going to the preacher right after we’re through here.” Ramona said.
“Why?” Barney asked.
Ernest T. answered, “I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all that you’ve done for me over the years, so I decided to let you be the one to get us hitched. We’re just goin’ to the preacher’s because we want to be extraly sure it’s done right.”
“Oh, I see.” Andy said.
“Don’t you think we better start going? It might rain soon.” Ramona asked Ernest T.
“Yeah, we gotta be a getting.” Ernest T. said
Andy handed Barney and Malcolm some rice. They began to throw the rice and cheer as Ernest T. and Ramona left the courthouse. After the bride and groom had gone Malcolm decided to walk around town, leaving Andy and Barney in the courthouse.
“Well, Barn, we better start cleaning this place up.” Andy said.
“Yeah, I guess we better.” Barney agreed. “You know, Anj, I just finished sweeping this floor not more than a half an hour ago, and look at it now.” Barney said pointing to the rice all over the floor.
“Well, that’s what happens when ya make a mess. You got to clean it up! It’s not all that bad, probably won’t take more than five minutes if we work together. What did ya think about the wedding?” Andy asked as he began to put things away.
“Oh, I thought it went very well, considering the fact that it was Ernest T’s. He sure has come a long way.” replied Barney
“Yeah, he has that.” Andy agreed as he continued to clean.
“You disserve all the credit for that, Andy. I mean, after all, you’re the one who really worked with him. And now to see it all pay off. It’s just…*sniff*” being to cry Barney quickly made his way to the back room. As Andy asked “ Barney, are you alright?”
Barney replied “I’m fine. I just came back here to look for the dustpan.”
“Oh,” Andy said, “it’s in the waste basket.” Barney came back out and got the dustpan and then began to sweep up the pile of rice he had just finished sweeping in the floor. After they had finished cleaning Andy asked “How ‘bout a game of gin rummy?”
Barney answered “Why not?” 24
A little Later, as Andy and Barney sat playing cards. The front door of the courthouse opened, and a man stood in the opening. He glanced at the card game, and said. "I hope there's not a gambling going on. Because gambling is illegal, whether it's Black Jack, betting, or Bingo."
Andy and Barney, startled at first, quickly looked up at the door. "Warren Fergussun!" said Andy, as they greeted the one time Mayberry deputy. "How are you?"
"Oh just fine," Warren replied, as they all shook hands. "Andy,... Barney. It's good to see both of you. I heard that you had moved back to Mayberry, Andy. So, I thought I would drop in and see you." He then glanced around the courthouse, where he had once worked as a deputy. "Boy, everything looks great. It's just like I remember it. There is just no place like Mayberry. But, I guess you know that, Andy, that's why you moved back. Yes sir. There' just no place like Mayberry. Right Andy?"
As Andy tried to answer yes, warren repeated it, in usual way. After Warren had repeated "Right?" several times, Andy finally spoke up loud enough for Warren to hear his reply. "Yes. Warren. Mayberry is a wonderful town." Andy then smiled, and said. "Well, How have you been? Are you still a deputy, over in Sillar city?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm still in Sillar City." Warren replied. "But, I'm thinking about moving back to Mayberry. I remember how nice a town this was to live in. I know I didn't work here long. But, I have never forgotten how great this town is."
Barney then fidgeted around, a little nervous. "I hope you don't plan on getting you're old job back, as number one deputy." Barney then pointed to his badge. "That job has already been filled."
Warren replied humble. "Oh, Barney. I could never take your place. Why, you're just about the best lawman that ever lived. A real living legend. Right, Andy?"
After Warren repeated "Right?" a few more times, again, Andy spoke up. "You're right, Warren. Barney is great deputy. He could never be replaced."
"I know, I could never replace him." Warren added. "I would consider it an honor, just to get to work along side of him. A living legend."
Barney, now relaxed, folded his arms, and leaned back on the desk. "Well, that's just the mark of us Fifes. Us Fifes always believed, If you're going to do a job, do it right. Andy you remember how conscientious my mother was. She'd never do anything, if she couldn't do it right."
"I remember that about your mother." Andy replied.
"Well, anyway." Warren spoke up. "It sure is good to see you fellows, again."
"Well, we sure are glad to see you." Andy replied. 25
Barney then glanced over at the clock, hanging on the wall. "Well, it's about time for me to be going over to the school crossing. I'll be back later Andy." Glancing at Warren he said. "It was nice meeting you again." He then walked out of the front door. "Bye!"
Andy smiled and said. "So you're thinking of moving back to Mayberry. That's nice. But, now Warren just because the position of number one deputy has been filled doesn't mean, there's not any room for a number two deputy."
"Oh that would be nice Andy, real nice." replied the one time deputy. "But, my sister's husband, has already offered me a job. And, I told him I would think about."
"What does he do?" asked Andy.
"He's high up in the Foster Furniture Polish company." replied Warren. "They're opening a branch here in Mayberry. And, I've been offered the position, of Head of Security."
"Oh yeah, The big time." Andy stated, with a grin. "Foster Furniture." Andy thought to himself. He then stood for a moment in reminiscement, of the time his Aunt Bee had been asked to appear in one of their commercials.
Meanwhile, Malcolm Merriweather, had made his way over to the G & G garage. Where the two cousins Gomer and Goober Pyle worked. 27
"Shazayam, Goober! Is that Malcolm Merriweather?" exclaimed Gomer as he noticed Malcolm pull up to the garage and begin walking towards them.
"Looks like it to me," replied Goober, after looking in Malcom's direction.
"I wonder what he's doin' in town." Gomer mumbled, mostly to himself. "Maybe he's here to see Opie's new youngin' and extend his gradulashuns," offered Goober. They both nodded, now that their curiosity was somewhat settled.
"Hey, there, Malcolm! greeted Gomer as he and Goober walked up to him. "Whutcha doin' back in town? Here to see Opie's new youngin'?"
"Actually, I was on holiday, here to visit. Is Opie really a father now? I say, time does change things," replied Malcolm. 28
“He sure is! Father of a 5 pound 6 ounce baby boy!” Gomer replied.
Goober added “Course that was a month ago. He weighs more than that now.”
“Ah, you don’t say!” Malcolm stated rather surprised. “I’ll have to see him while I’m on my holiday.”
“So you’re just here for a visit, huh?” Goober questioned.
“Well,” Malcolm began, “I’ve been considering settling down in Mayberry. Providing I can find a steady position for myself, pull my own weight.”
“You mean you’re looking for a job?” Gomer asked.
Malcolm nodded his head, “Would you happen to know of any job that’s available?”29
"Waaeell, I heard talk of a big furniture polish company openin' up a store right here in Mayberry," Gomer offered.
"Yeah, that's right, Gomer," Goober added, "I think it's that big Foster Furniture store they've got up in Mt. Pilot. I heard rumor, too, that they're openin' up one of them there stores in town."
"Maybe they need to hire some folks rightcheer in Mayberry." Gomer offered. 30
"Is that right?" responded Malcolm. "Furniture polish? I will definitely keep that in mind. But, of course, what I really like, is attending to the household duties. My most fondest memories are, of the times I worked for the Taylor family."
"Yeah, they're nice people." stated Goober. "Right, Gomer."
"That's right." he replied. "They don't come any nicer."
Just then Opie Taylor, more tired than usual, came walking up.
"There's the new daddy now." Goober announced, with a big smile on his face.
"Hey Goober, Gomer." Opie replied, with a slight smile, and when he noticed the third, his face lite up. "Malcolm Merriweather! Is that you? How are you? It sure has been a long time."
"It has at that." he replied. After noticing how grown up Opie had become, he stated. "To think I used to know you when you were just a little fellow. And, now you have a little one of your own." He then smiled, and continued. "Tell me, do you still know how to draw faces on eggs?"
Opie smiled again, remembering how when he was younger, Malcolm once taught him how to draw faces on boiled eggs. "Yeah, but not as good as you."
Changing the subject, Opie asked. "Have you seen my Paw, yet?"
"As a matter of fact, I have." he replied. "In fact, I am currently a guest in his home."
Opie then asked. "What are you doing in town? Are you here for a visit, or, Are you planning on staying longer? Because if you are, I've heard that Foster Furniture Polish, is opening a branch here in Mayberry. You might could get a job there."
"I've indeed thought of seeking employment there." he replied. "But, as I understand it, it will be a while before it will be open. And, I would need a temporary position, until then."
Gomer who had been unusually silent, grinned and glanced at his cousin. "Goober, are you thinking what I'm thinking."
Goober smiled, and replied "Yo!"
"What Gomer?" asked Opie.
"It would be the answer to both of your problems."
Gomer continued.
"What would be Mister Pyle?" asked Malcolm.
"In fact, I don't know why no one hasn't thought of it, yet." Gomer went on.
"Gomer!" Opie finally blurted out. "What is it?"
"Well, it's so simple." He continued, smiling. "Malcolm needs a job. And, Opie, you and Eunice have your hands full, with your new baby. You need somebody to take over the other household duties. And, well," Gomer just started smiling, and looking back and forth between Opie, and Malcolm Merriweather.
Opie catching on, looked at Malcolm, and stated. "Malcolm, It wouldn't be for a real long time, just until we get the hang of things. But, we sure could use your help. And it would give you chance to make up your mind about Foster Furniture, What do you say?"
Malcolm smiled, and replied. "I would be delighted."31
“But I’ve never really taken care of a wee babe before. That’s a little out of my line.” Malcolm continued.
“Oh no, Malcolm, you misunderstood me,” Opie quickly said, “you would help with the house cleaning and cooking and all. Our neighbor Cynthia has been helping Eunice and me out with little Adam. What do ya say? Will you do it?” Opie asked.
Malcolm smiled, and said, “It will give me great pleasure to serve you.”
Opie replied smiling, “Good! I really appreciate you helping us out. You won’t have to worry about cooking anything to night, Johnny Paul Jason and his wife are going to bring something by. Why don’t you come down to my house tomorrow and you can get started then?”
“What ever is good for you is good for me.” Malcolm stated.
“Then let’s plan on you starting tomorrow.” Opie said. Malcolm nodded his head in agreement. Turning to Gomer and Goober Opie ask, “Is my car fix yet?”
Gomer looked at Goober and Goober back at Gomer, then Goober blurted out “No it’s not ready yet I know I told you it would be ready by now but it’s not my fault, I told them but they didn’t listen to me so it’s going to take a couple more weeks.”
“What do you mean?” Opie asked.
“Well, we had to send to Raleigh for some of them parts.” Gomer said.
“Yeah,” Goober continued, “and they sent us the wrong parts so it’s gonna take a couple of week till we get the right ones to fix your car. You can use my truck anytime you want.” Goober offered.
Opie, disappointed said, “No thanks Goober. Cynthia has been kind enough to let me use her car while ya’ll are fixing mine. But I need my car!”
“We’ll get it fixed as soon as we can.” Goober stated.
Opie replied, “I know you will Goober. Thanks. Well… I better be heading home. See ya tomorrow Malcolm! Bye guys!”
Goober waved goodbye and said, “Be seein’ ya!” and Gomer added, “Lots of luck to you and yours!”
[Things went smooth in Mayberry for the next couple of weeks; Andy jr. came home from college, Opie finally got his car fixed, and Malcolm and Warren decided to take jobs at Foster Furniture Polish. Everything seemed to be going well until the day after the grand opening of the Foster Furniture Polish Company.]
Warren came running down Main Street toward the courthouse yelling. “Andy! Andy! Andy!”
Andy and Barney heard his yelling from inside the courthouse and came outside to see what it was all about. Warren runs up to Andy and Barney, and is clearly upset about something.
“Oh, Andy, it’s terrible! Last night someone robbed the Foster Furniture Polish company!” Warren began.
Barney completely shocked, “What?! The Foster Furniture Polish company has been robbed! Let me see if I’ve got my bullet.” He pats his shirt pocket. “Yeah, I got it. Alright Andy you take the front and I’ll come in from the back. We’ll surround them, block off the sidewalks, and get some teargas!”
Andy tries to calm Barney down. “Hold on, Barn, just wait. Let’s go on over there and see if we can find any clues.”
Barney still excited replied, “Let me go get my fingerprint set. Be right back, Ange.”
“Alright, Barn.” Turning to Warren Andy said, “What did the crooks take?” Warren replied, “They broke into the cash register and took every penny!”
At that time Barney came rushing out of the courthouse and said, “I got it, Ange! Let’s move out.”
As they walked toward the Foster Furniture Polish company’s building Warren pleaded, “Oh, Andy, you guys will find out who did it, won’t you? You know with my position being of Head of Security this is a terrible thing to happen and especially the first night! I could loose my job!”
Andy, trying to comfort Warren said, “Don’t worry, Warren. Barney and me will do all we can to help.” Barney, more confident replied, “Yeah, you don’t have to worry about anything… I’ll get him.”
With a look of relief Warren said, “Oh, I knew if anyone could catch the crook it would be you guys.”
When they arrived at the Foster Furniture Polish building they found the manager waiting for them. Warren introduced him to Andy and Barney. “Hello, Mr. Wilson I’d like you to meet Sheriff of Mayberry Andy Taylor and his Deputy Barney Fife. Andy, Barney meet Mr. Wilson the manager of Foster Furniture Polish.”
After briefly exchanging greetings Andy began to ask Mr. Wilson some questions. As it turned out he had not noticed anything or anyone suspicious and neither had any of the others workers. As it seemed, whoever the robber was, he didn’t break in. It began to look like it might have been one of the workers, and only one stayed late at work last night and only one was not present that morning—Malcolm Merriweather! 32
The Foster Furniture Polish company had expanded over the years and now was a “big” furniture manufacturer and retailer.
Andy and Barney checked the hotel and asked around town to see if anyone had seen Malcolm since the store closed last night. Jason at the Hotel where Malcolm was staying said he didn’t come in last night as far as he knew. They got Jason to open Malcolm’s room and found all his belongings in place. After questioning Warren, Andy and Barney found out that Malcolm had stayed late at the store to clean up. But no one had seen him since.
“You take a guy that has only been a citizen one month and try to help him out by giving him a good start as a janitor and look what thanks I get!! “ Mr. Wilson complained.
“Well, Sheriff Taylor, it looks like we know your man.” Mr. Wilson said. Accusing Malcolm of the robbery.
“Now, Mr. Wilson, I know Malcolm Merriweather, and he’s the finest, most upstanding honest man you’ll ever meet.” Replied Andy on Malcolm’s behalf.
Warren, not convinced either way, standing beside Andy stated, “Well people can change. . . can’t they?”
When Mr. Wilson tried to answer yes, Warren repeated, as usual “Huh huh huh?”. Mr. Wilson, getting aggravated, shouted his reply at Warren. “YES! People can change! And Malcolm Merriweather proved it!”
“There’s no real proof that Malcolm is the crook.” Andy said firmly.
“Well, we’ll know for sure who the crook is when Barney has finished checking the cash register for fingerprints.” Warren replied, not wanting to get on anyone’s bad side. At that moment Barney came to join them shouting, “Andy! Look I got a fingerprint from the cash register! My first finger print! I got it! Look there Andy, isn’t it beautiful? This is big!”
“Good work Deputy.” Mr. Wilson complimented. “I’m glad to know someone is working to solve this case.” He continued, looking at Andy.
“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mr. Wilson. That crook is as good as caught.” Barney replied in his most confident tone of voice. “Now, I’ll send this right away to the boys with the fingerprint files and I’ll have you’re man before you can say Malcolm Merriweather. I mean… well you know.”
“Good work, Deputy! It’s men like you that may be the next J. Edger Hoover!” Mr. Wilson said, building up Barney’s pride and confidents.
“Well, John and I always did think alike.” Barney replied. He continued to stand there waiting for the next words of praise. After a few moments of silence Mr. Wilson said, “The sooner you send that fingerprint in, the sooner we’ll know who the criminal is.” Barney agrees and quickly leaves the store.
After Barney left Mr. Wilson turned to Andy and said, “I don’t think we need you for anything anymore. Your Deputy seems to have everything under control. So you can just go back to your office and put your feet up and just take it easy. Good day, Sheriff.”
“Good day.” Andy replied and left. As he was leaving he could hear Mr. Wilson chewing Warren out. “If you want to keep your job I suggest you GET TO WORK!”
The results of the fingerprint search came back with no match, and also stated that Malcolm Merriweather had had no previous criminal record. Hoping to prove Malcolm innocent, Andy suggest they obtain a fingerprint from Malcolm’s room to compare it with the one found on the register.
Mr. Wilson comes into the courthouse to see what progress is being made. Andy informed him, “ We are just now checking the fingerprint from Malcolm’s room to the one found on the register. I think we can prove once and for all that Malcolm is innocent.”. At that moment Barney came busting into the courthouse shouting, “Andy! They match!”
Andy was shocked. After examining the fingerprints himself, Andy arrives to the same conclusion. The fingerprints are obviously the same. Even still Andy believes Malcolm is innocent. Mr. Wilson demands they start a manhunt, to which Andy reluctantly complies. Mr. Wilson has Warren help Andy and Barney in the search.
Andy hoping to find some evidence to clear Malcolm asks Warren why Malcolm had stayed late to clean up. Warren tells him that a customer had accidentally knocked over a display earlier and that’s what Malcolm was cleaning up the last time he saw him. At that time Ernest T. Bass and Ramona came in the courthouse clearly upset about something. “Sheriff, I gots to talk to you.” Ernest T. began.
Andy had hoped when Ernest T. and Ramona got married he wouldn’t have any problems with them for awhile. “What’s your problem now Ernest T.?” Andy said aggravated.
“I’s come to report a claim jumper!” Ernest T. told Andy.
“What?” Andy asked.
Ernest T. replied, “Someone’s trespassin’ in my home that I’d prepared for my darling Romeena. I’d shoot him and get over with it but you being the Sheriff I thought I’d give you first shot.”
“Someone else is living in your home?” Andy question.
“That’s right Sheriff! When we came home from our honeymoon he was there. It was that dirty, no good, lowdown, thievin’…”
“Ernest T., just tell me who it was.” Andy interrupted.
“Well I’s trying to tell ya. It was that englishter Malcolm Merriweather.” Ernest T. shouted.
“Malcolm Merriweather!” Andy, Barney and Warren repeated.
“Come on we better get out there.” Andy told Barney and Warren.
They drove most of the up to Ernest T’s cabin but walked a short way to sneak up on the trespasser. Andy had Warren stay with Ernest T. and Ramona in the car so they would have a better chance to come up to the cabin by surprise. Peeking through the window, Andy and Barney saw Malcolm cooking at the stove. Just as they were about to go in and get Malcolm they noticed another person in the cabin. They watched as he asked Malcolm something then tied him to a chair. After that the other man began to eat the meal Malcolm prepared.
“How do you like that—Malcolm’s being held prisoner!” said a surprised Barney.
“Yeah” Andy replied.
“Can I put my bullet in?” Barney asked.
“I think you better.” Came Andy’s reply.
After Barney had fumbled for a few minutes putting his bullet in the revolver, Andy and him walked in to the cabin to capture the criminal. They managed to take him by surprise and with out a struggle. They released Malcolm and headed back for town. Once at the courthouse Warren left to tell Mr. Wilson the crook had been caught while Andy locked up the crook and asked Malcolm what had happened. Malcolm told them how he had stayed late to clean up a display that the crook had knocked over. After everyone had left the crook came back and forced Malcolm at the point of a gun to break open the cash register. After that the robber held him prisoner in Ernest T. Bass’s cabin until Andy and Barney came to his rescue.
“What happened to the money?” Barney asked. “Did you see what he did with it?”
“I do not know where he hid it.” Malcolm said. “He tied me up when we arrived at Mr. Bass’s cabin and hid the money then.”
“Well I better go back up there and see if I can find it cause he’s not going to say anything.” Barney said pointing to the robber in the cell.
“May I go along?” Malcolm asked.
“Sure, go ahead, Malcolm. You know where the crook has been better than anyone else.” Andy told him.
Not long after Barney and Malcolm left Warren and Mr. Wilson came to the courthouse with another man. It was the president of the Foster Furniture Polish company. He had come to Mayberry because of the robbery. After Andy had explain the story to them the president, Mr. Foster, stayed at the courthouse to meet Malcolm and Barney. Mr. Wilson left to attend to the store. Back at the cabin Barney and Malcolm hadn’t had any luck at finding the stolen money. Even though Ernest T. and Ramona helped they still couldn’t find it after searching the cabin, grounds and the barn.
“Well, I’m afraid it’s like looking for a needle in a hay stack.” Barney said in dismay as they stood in the barn. “I’ll guess I’ll have to give that crook the third degree. That’ll make him talk.”
They said good-bye to Ernest T. and Ramona and headed for the squad car. As Barney was getting in Malcolm notice a hollow tree trunk beside the car. When he checked it out he found the money they had been looking for! Now they returned in triumph. As they pulled in front of the courthouse standing outside was Mr. Foster and Andy. Mr. Foster met Malcolm and congratulated Barney on his work. Then to the surprise of all he offered Malcolm the job of manager of the Mayberry branch of the Foster Furniture Polish company. Malcolm was hesitant at first, but decided to take the job. Now things got back to normal in Mayberry. Andy and Barney sat in the courthouse talking over the events of the last month.
Barney sat in his usual chair beside the desk as he said, “You know Andy, in a way this all turned out for the best. Now Malcolm is a real Mayberrian with a good paying job, Ernest T’s got his bride and finally settled down, Andy jr. came home and we made the front page of the newspaper—not that that’s important or anything.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean, Barn. It’s nice to get recognition every once and a while. It was good of you to include Malcolm and Warren with the credit of the capture.” Andy told Barney as he sat down at his desk with a cup of coffee.
“Well, I didn’t want to take all the glory. You know me Andy I never was one to take credit for someone else’s work. No sir, not Barney Fife.”
Andy smiled to himself as memories of times past when he had shielded and protected Barney reputation filled in mind.
“My mother is the same way.” Barney continued.
“You and your mother are a lot alike.” Andy said.
“You bet we are. Even to this day. Another mark of us Fifes is that we’re long livers.”
“Yeah, how old is your mother now?” Andy asked.
“104, and still walks to church every Sunday.” Barney replied.
“Well, bless her heart.” Andy responded. “You mother must have be real good at history then too, huh?”
“Yep, that was her best subject.” Barney said leaning back in his chair.
“You know, Barn, that reminds me, you never did get a chance to tell me the historical connection with the Jackson part of my name.” Andy said as he leaned forward in his chair.
“You mean how the Jackson part of your name is historical connected?” Barney asked.
“Yeah.”
“Oh, Andy you should know that.”
“Well go ahead and tell me.”
“Any child knows the historical connection with the name Jackson.”
“Good, than this should be easy for you.”
“Well the historical connection is . . .it’s really simple . . .Jackson was uhmm---”
At that moment Malcolm walked in.
“Oh hi, Malcolm it’s good to see you. How’s Mr. Manager?” Barney said hoping now to end the previous conversation.
“Hey, Malcolm! Come sit down for awhile, you’re just in time to hear Barney tell how the Jackson part of my name is historical connected.” Andy said teasing Barney. “Go ahead Barn and tell Malcolm too.”
Barney had gotten up from his chair and was now pacing the floor.
“Well” Barney began, “like I said it’s real simple . . .it has to do with president Andrew Jackson. He was our fifth or sixth president some where along there.”
“Seventh.” Replied Malcolm. “Monroe was the fifth, Quincy Adams was the sixth and Jackson was the seventh.”
“Well like I said it was somewhere along there.” Barney said a little offended. “The next time you what to know something Andy you should look it up in the encyclopedia. You’ll never learn anything with me telling you everything.” Barney said getting more upset. “I haven’t got time to stand here and gab I’ve got more important things to do with my time.” Barney said and walked out of the courthouse.
“Must be on another hue and cry, aye Constable?” Malcolm suggested.
“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Andy said and smiled.
THE END
Contributors
1. Allan Newsome
(anewsome@aol.com)
2. Allan
(anewsome@aol.com)
3. TJ
(Tenderjaw@aol.com)
4. BARNEY2000
(jbraves2000@yahoo.com)
5. HeyOpe
(rkand@ncweb.com)
6. Allan Newsome
(anewsome@aol.com)
7. Allan Newsome
(anewsome@aol.com)
8. Allan Newsome
(anewsome@aol.com) posted 05:21:46
10/17/00.
9. BARNEY2000
(jbraves2000@yahoo.com) posted
02:35:39 10/18/00.
10. HeyOpe
(rkand@ncweb.com) posted 20:29:03
10/19/00.
11. Opie Taylor from IP 152.163.197.176 posted 06:09:03
10/21/00.
12. Opie Taylor from IP 152.163.205.69 posted 04:58:20
10/22/00.
13. Opie Taylor from IP 152.163.207.202 posted 02:51:59
10/23/00.
14. Sam (n/a) posted 08:57:50
10/25/00.
15. Ralph (n/a) posted 09:37:06
10/25/00.
16. BARNEY2000
(jbraves2000@yahoo.com) posted
17:35:49 11/01/00.
17. Sam (n/a) posted 10:10:20
11/02/00.
18. Opie Taylor from IP 205.188.209.43 posted 03:50:59
11/09/00.
19. BARNEY2000
(jbraves2000@yahoo.com) posted
23:52:05 11/14/00.
20. Opie Taylor from IP 152.163.206.199 posted 03:17:21
11/17/00.
21. Ralph (n/a) posted 10:02:44
11/17/00.
22. Removed....didn't fit into the story line.
23. No. 22 revised. (n/a) posted
11:03:20 11/22/00.
24. Opie Taylor from IP 205.188.192.154 posted 02:21:18
11/26/00.
25. Sam (n/a) posted 14:41:14
12/05/00.
26. Removed...repeated post.
27. Ralph (n/a) posted 12:27:30
01/15/01.
28. Jessica
(jholland@ptd.net) posted 12:04:17
01/18/01.
29. Opie Taylor from IP 64.12.102.168 posted 16:47:31
01/19/01.
30. Jessica
(jholland@ptd.net) posted 14:24:35
01/22/01.
31. Sam (n/a) posted 13:45:48
01/24/01.
32. Opie Taylor from IP 152.163.204.181 posted 17:47:45
02/22/01.
33. Opie Taylor from IP 205.188.199.28 posted 20:28:14
03/04/01.