Goober: Boy it shore is excitin', ain't it!

Floyd: The Mayberry Union High School Bears playing for a chance to go to the North Carolina State Finals.

Andy: It sure is special. Mayberry ain't won the Sectional championship in a long long time. I don't remember when it was we last went to the Regionals at Mount Pilot. If we win two games there, it's on to Raleigh for the State Finals.

Goober: I think we're gonna win it all! The boys are playin' great.

Floyd: Do ya really think we got a chance Andy? There's some big schools, ohh and biiiiig boys gonna be over there at Mount Pilot for the Regionals....Biiiig boys.

Goober: Stretch Hollister is six foot three and a hafe. His momma says, he still growin' too.

(He holds up his hand about 18 inches over his own head, exaggerating the boy's height)

Andy: Well....., I think we've got as good a chance as anybody. They can only put five boys at a time on the floor and I think we got five pretty good ones. (smiles broadly)

Floyd: That's right (holds up one finger to indicate good point)

Barney: Alright Charlie, you go to the grocery and get the milk and cake mix for your Ma. I'll go over to Walkers Drugs to get your Pa's medicine to save a little time. We'll meet back here at 16:10, plus or minus five.

Andy: Barney, What's going on? Are you giving the basketball team police escorts to run to the store?

Floyd: Hey It's Charlie Sparks, leading scorer AND rebounder for the Bears! (louder) Hello Charlie, ready for the big game?

Goober: Hey Charlie, It's me Goober. I just greased your Daddy's car so's he could get to the Regionals on Saturday! We're all gonna be cheerin' for ya! Are ya ready?

Charlie: Uh Hello, Yeah I guess I'm ready, Thanks (shyly walks on, as Opie and the other boy follow, mimicking the tall lad's every action including trying to take his long strides)

Barney (lecturing Goober and Floyd) Don't you townspeople know that these boys need to be left alone? WE FEEL that if everyone keeps asking them about the "Regionals", they're going to get all nervous!

Andy We? ....... Who's we?

Barney Well, uh ......Coach Smith mentioned it. He told the boys to act like this was a regular week of practice, and pretend we were just playing Greendale, or somebody like that...He said he didn't want any distractions...and then he looked RIGHT at me. I think he was seeing if I agreed and I nodded yes. I also got the message that he wanted me to look after the boys when he wasn't around.

Floyd: How did you get that message....did he pass you a note Barney?

Goober: Did he write it on that chalkboard in the dressin' room? (bounces ball to himself)

Barney: No no no, Nothing like that. It was more Tele-pa-thetic.

Andy: So he didn't come right out and tell you that. It was....... what did you say?

Barney: Tele-pathetic, you know, when the minds of two parties are thinking the same thing, and the mind of the first party communicates with the mind of the second party without even uttering a word. In can happen across a room or across the ocean as long as the minds are synchronized in a subject area common to both parties. The are well documented case of...

Floyd: Ya know Goober, I'm running a special in honor of the Regional game with Mount Pilot. I call it "Clip the Mounties Special" 50 cents off a haircut.

Goober: Hey that's a good idea Floyd! I hear Foley's is sellin whip cream for hafe-price...ta "Cream the Mounties" in the Regional.

Floyd: Oh oh that's funny. Cream the Mounties! Whip cream half-price.

Goober: Maybe Wally orta run a special too, ta get in on the excitement. Two cents off a gallon of gas... to "Gas the Mounties".

Floyd: Ohh no, don't say that, don't say that...Gas the Mounties, No. that sounds evil. You know, like the gas chamber.

Goober: Well, I didn't mean THAT, Floyd! OK, how about. Mayberry Union Bears, play like greased lightnin'! Get you car greased at Wally's.

Floyd: Oh I like that better... Greased Lightnin! You gonna knock two cents of f a Lube Job?

Goober: We yeah at least..... Maybe 50 cents off!

 Floyd: 50 Cents off! I said that first! "Clip the Mounties Special'! 50 cents off ... I like the sound of that. (Floyd smiles, raising one hand slightly in a familiar gesture)

Andy: Now LOOK Barney! The last thing those boys needs is extra people hanging around to distract them. You've been over at that school about every day for practice, haven't you?

Barney: It's Good! (he yells, as if he is an announcer, then smiles and looks at Andy) OK Ange, I'll make sure nobody bothers the players. I already told you I would do that.

Andy: Uhh we're not exactly tele-pathetic here. I'm talkin' about YOU Barney! You're shouldn't be runnin' Charlie around in the squad car, and you shouldn't be hangin' around practice. You're a Deputy, not an Assistant Basketball Coach.

Barney: OK Ange, no problem. I've just been stopping by the school in the afternoon to have a little Look-see at that possible vandalism and I usually just happen to go by the Gym and...

Andy: What possible Vandalism? I didn't know about any vandalism!

Barney: (looking down speaking softer) Well, you know, somebody colored all the windows with signs like Go Bears, Win Mayberry Union, and all that, I just wanted to make sure they were authorized, and it wasn't a prank.

Andy: A prank?

Barney: Yeah, what if somebody was to paint "Bears Stink" or "Lose Mayberry" Don't you think THAT would make the players nervous?

Opie: Hey Paw, Can me and Howie go to the shoot-around tonight. Barney said that it was for authorized personnel only, but we're authorized water boys and ball chasers. Can we Paw, huh, can we?

Andy: Let me find out if your "authorized" by the coach. I'm not sure if Barney is "authorized" to say who can be in the gym durin' practice.

Opie: But Paw, Barney says he's the Sergeant-at-Arms of the Gym, cause he stands guard at all the home games. (Barney looks over troubled, making a face and wishing Opie would be quiet.) One time he even threw out ole Clyde the Janitor, just cause he wanted to start sweepin' before practice was over.

Barney: (interrupting) OK Opie that's enough now, Why don't you boys go see if Charlie is about ready to head back to the school.

Opie: Can we go paw, please?

Howie Its OK with my mom Sheriff,

Opie: We can pick up towels, and fill water bottles and stuff with Barney.

Barney: Yeah, Can we Andy? The coach asked us to help and we promise not to cause any trouble.....I mean they.... I'll make sure they, uh the boys ... stay out of the way.

Andy: OK, but I better not find out from the coach that there's been a problem...and that goes for you too Mr. Sergeant-at-Arms. I'd hate to see ole Clyde whip ya with one broom tied behind his back.

Charlie: Did you get that medicine Deputy Fife?

Barney: What hit me? What hit me? Did anyone get the plate number?

Lady: I'm sorry officer, but you just RAN out in the street without looking, I couldn't stop.

Goober (from the sidewalk) You OK Barn?

Floyd (laughing) You gonna arrest her for speeding Barney? I'll bet she was doing oh... 6..8 10 miles an hour. (The other men .laugh heartily)

Barney: You're real funny Floyd! Why don't you go shave a gorilla for just for kicks! Then you can make hair pieces out of the fur for your friends when they go bald!

Lady: We'll! If you're NOT going to apologize, I guess I'll be on my way.

Barney: Me Apologize? You better just watch it sister. Next time I'll write you up for striking an officer. You're just lucky I'm in a .hurry! I gotta get some medicine.

Bystander (Joe Hamilton in white hat) Hey Barney, you're just lucky she wasn't in her truck. You'd have to pick some crutches too!

Principal: OK then, we'll have the community breakfast at the Firehouse at 7:00 AM Saturday morning.

Aunt Bee: We've prepared the menu Mr. Burns. It's going to be a pancake breakfast with lots of fruit and juices for the boys. We'll have some fried potatoes also and lots of coffee...Oh and milk we'll need milk for the team and for the kiddies.

Mr. Foley: I ordered in extra oranges like you wanted Miss Bee, Pancake mix and syrup and I can still get extra milk, OK.

Principal: OK good, good. Then we'll have the school bus come pick up the team at 8:15.

Goober: I'm gonna have the bus in the shop tomorrow and get it all tuned up. Clyde said there was an oil smell, so I'll put in fresh oil and check into that so the boys don't get sick smellin oil.

Principal: Fine, Fine. Thank You.

Goober: (Looking at Andy) There's nothin worse than an oil smell when you're tryin to think about basketball. That's what I always say (Andy nods approval)

Mayor: As soon as the bus comes up, we'll start lining up the cars for the caravan. I'll be first in line so I can decide when we all start blowing our horns.

Principal: What about the squad car?

Goober: You got an oil smell in the squad car too?

Andy: No Goober, the squad car is fine. We'll start out in front of the bus. Well turn on the lights and siren to get everyone fired up. When we get to the state road, we'll pull off and let the caravan pass. We'll bring up the rear so we can make sure no-one breaks down and gets stuck or anything. Everyone should have their lights on.

Principal: Ok Fine. And the trip should take about what? An hour and a half?

Mayor: That's right. The team will get there just in time to change for warm-ups. The fans will all park and we'll have a little community pep rally on the school steps. We're gonna have signs, and maybe some horns and drums. There could be TV cameras there, so I'll be ready to speak on behalf of our proud community of Mayberry. We'll have a picnic in the city park between the early games and the final game that night.

Principal: Um Sheriff, if you're in the squad car...Where will um...

Andy: You're worried about Barney, my deputy. He'll be with me. I'll try to keep him out of the coach's way and out of the team's way (grinning).

Coach: Hello, I'm Dean Smith, pleasure to meet you. Sorry I'm late.

Principal: Thanks for coming coach. We've already got the plan set for breakfast and we were just discussing the caravan. The sheriff is going to take the squad car, and he was just saying that Deputy Fife could ride with him.

Coach: Well actually Sheriff, I was thinking that it might be good to have an officer on the bus, if Fife is available. That way if we get into traffic in the city, he could hop out and direct traffic to get us and the caravan though.

Andy: You WANT Barney on the team bus?

Mr. Foley: You want BARNEY on the team bus?

Mayor: You want Barney on THE TEAM BUS?

Goober: I think you'd be better off with an OIL SMELL on the team bus.

Coach: Well, if that's gonna be a problem, I guess....

Andy: Well-sir, if that's what you want, then I know Barney will be glad to oblige.

Aunt Bee: (puzzled looking. speaks softly) They want Barney on the team bus. Who would have guessed?

Goober: Barney would. He's tele-pathetic with the coach.

Principal: Well, are we all set then? (All nod in agreement)

Floyd: I can't believe the Regional championships are day after tomorrow. This is going to be a great day for Mayberry!

Goober: It is if we win both games. If we loose it, will be a sad day.

Andy: Well, I don't know. Either way it's a big event just to get to this point. Look how excited the community has been all week. I can't remember when there was something like this, that young and old, town and county folk are all rallying around. Win or lose, it'll be a great experience. I don't know if anyone will be left in town, except for maybe Sarah, the Fire Chief, and Laura Lee Hobbs if she's still ailin'.

Floyd: You're right Andy, win or lose it's a great experience.

Goober: That's right, Win or lose, we can all be proud...but I hope we win

Andy: Well Hello Skip, What brings you to Mayberry? (Andy shares a hearty handshake with the man)

Skip: Hey Andy, How ya been ole buddy? It's good to see ya. Well, actually, I'm here on official business.

Andy: Oh, and what would that be? Did one of our chicken thieves sneak over to your county? (All laugh)

Skip: Well maybe, I don't know about that, but we hear you are bringing a caravan of cars over to Mount Pilot for the Regionals, and the sheriff wants me to get together with you on that.

Andy: Well, of course. That's a great idea. I should've called you first. You wanna go over to the courthouse and look at the map and make some plans.

Skip We could do that, but I can just tell ya here what we want you to do. Boy its gonna be great playin Mayberry Union again for our trip to the State finals, just like we did back in 45.

Goober: Now just wait a minute, how do you know that it just won't be arrr (our) trip to the state finals.

Skip (Chuckles broadly) Well I suppose that IS possible but it's NOT likely. Don't you remember what we did to you back in 45 when I was playing? Andy, you remember. You were there.

Andy: (grimly) Yes I remember Skip. I will never forget that game.

Skip: (chuckles again) Neither will I. It was kind-of a physical game and that worked to our favor.

Andy: (a bit agitated) What it was, was football!

Skip: We got ole Ralphy Haynes all flustered, because every time he would try to shoot, we would give him a little nudge, and the refs allowed the physical type of play.

Andy: What it was,.....was football Skip,...pure and simple.

Skip: (giving Andy a strong slap on the back) You're not still sore are ya Andy? We won fair and square.

Andy: Well...uh-good luck to both teams, and may the best win.

Goober: (stands up) And that's gonna be the Mayberry Union Bears!

Andy: Skip what did you want to work out on that caravan?

Skip: Well Andy, the sheriff thinks that anything over 20 or 25 cars will jam up the city traffic. So if you want to bring more than that at once, you need to go through Stokes county and come down from the north so you can get to the school without going through town.

Andy: But that's 30 minutes out of the way! We already have to leave early in the morning. How can he expect us to do that?

Skip: It's either that, or 20-25 cars at a time. You're the sheriff of Mayberry. You work it out. Well I'll see ya at the game boys. (He walks out the door with another chuckle)

Floyd: Well, of all the nerve! Come in here and talk like that.

Goober: It's a good thang he left when he did. I thought me and Andy was gonna have ta throw him out.

Andy: I can't believe that... Well maybe we can settle it on the basketball floor.

Floyd: That's right! .. Let's annihilate um. Let's smear um!

Goober: Lets kick em in the britches, those no-good big city fellers. (The other men mumble in agreement)

Coach: MUUU-LIK! concentrate! What do you think you're doing? Everybody on the line! Two lengths!

Coach: Lay-ups! Left side! (The players sprint into position.) Fife!

Coach: FIFE!

Barney: Yes coach! (He mutters with a cracking voice)

Coach: More water!

Andy: OK when we get to the city limits in Mt. Pilot...Hal, you take your 25 cars turn left and go all the way down to 9ths street and turn right there. Jack, you and Aneta take the next 25 and go left to 7th and then you turn right. Howard you take the next bunch one block left to 4th and turn there, and Frances you go right to 1st street and make a left toward town. I'll follow the bus down 3rd Street. Now everybody honk your horns all the way through town so they can hear us from one street to the next. Skip wants us in 25-car groups, that's the way he'll get us....all over town. They all nod and chuckle as they turn to walk out the door.

Barney: Hollister..... present! Sparks...present. Mulik....present.....you got yer shoes Paul?

Barney: (continues) Becker...present Beasley.... present , Browning present, Bullock..... Bullock?

The shortest boy comes running up as he finishes a jellyroll with a telltale Jelly mustache.

Barney: Wipe your mouth off Harvey, and hurry on the bus....Bullock present!

Barney: GOOBER! Somebody find Goober Pyle!

Goober: What's all the commotion about Barn? (He asks innocently)

Goober: I... I... I don't know what...Wa-ell...its fresh oil (he forces a smile) and it don't sma-ell.

Barney: Goober! Do you know what you've done to us? Do you know how important this game is? Do you know how many people are counting on us to....

Andy: (interrupting) There's no use frettin about it now. We gotta figure out a way to get these boys to the game... and fast.

Farmer: I got my dump truck with the cover on it, they can all ride back there.

Andy: No no, that wouldn't be safe. We could put them in a bunch of cars I s'pose.

Barney: But the coach was going to talk to them on the way! We planned to cover the game plan on the way there!

Barney: You can't stop there! Can't you see we've got a caravan about to take off here!

Andy: Hey wait a minute, wait a minute Barn. (He steps to the open bus door to speak to the driver through the door) Where you headed?

Driver: Next stop Mount Pilot.

Andy: If um, we was ta give you about 12, 13 or so passengers, could you make a stop over at the school there in Mount Pilot?

Driver: (looks at watch) Sure, we could do that, Bring 'em on.

Goober: You know what I think happened? Barney, you was talkin to me when I did that lube job.. You was tellin me about practice and everythang and I think I musta forgot to tighten the oil plug.

Barney: Goober! Don't try to blame in on me. (Barney's eyes bug out and he enunciates each word) When you're doin a job you do it RIGHT, and you DON'T' become distracted and you DON'T lose focus on the job your supposed TO DO!

Goober: "Don't be distracted! Don't lose focus!"

Barney: He was fouled! Can't you see anything? Are you gonna let 'em push like that?

Skip: Very Funny Andy! Splitting up your caravan and going down every street honkin' your horns. Do you know that I got complaints from the mayor's wife, the sheriff's wife AND my Aunt Bessy! Who do you think you are, comin' into town like that?

Barney: Well who do you think YOU are tryin' to tell us how we have to come into town? You can't make up rules like that! And where'd you get these referees? They don't even know...

Andy: (interrupting) Now lets all just simmer down. Barney, you go on your way. Skip uh, we're sorta sorry about that, but no harm done, we was just feelin' kinda ornery. You go on about your duties now.

Fans: Mayberry Union High

Floyd: Well, we almost did it. We were close to 'em at the half.

Goober: Yeah, I though we were gonna make it to the state finals in Raleigh.

Andy: Well...There's always next year.

Floyd: That's right. You know we only lose two boys to graduation.

Goober: And the B-team did pretty good this year too!

Andy: You never know. I think we'll get there one of these years.

Barney: OK boys two more blocks to the playground, and then we'll get a drink of water and do lay-ups. Then I'll show you some strength maneuvers. Basketball is a game of conditioning, skill, and strength. It's not like it used to be when ole Abner Doublemint nailed a couple apple baskets to the wall and started throwin' the ole rock in the hole. It takes practice and discipline, and lots of it.

Goober: Abner Doublemint? Everbody knows he invented baseball.