Lost Episode - "Ernest T. Bass on Easy Street"
By David Kerley


(Barney enters the courthouse with the mail, and begins sorting through it.)

Barney: OccuPANT .. occuPANT … (tosses an envelope into the waste basket each time he says "occupant".) Here's one for you, Ange.

Andy: (picks up the letter and starts to open it) Thanks, Barney. It seems just like ol' times with you pickin' up the mail, and sortin' it out for me and all.

Barney: Yeah, don't it though? Ange, I sure do miss wearin' this uniform. I like workin' in Raleigh, ya understand, but I don't think I ever felt as comfortable as I do in this uniform. (turning attention back to the mail) Say, I got one, too … from the same address as the one you got! But how did they know I was here instead of Raleigh?

Andy: Yeah? I don't know, Barn. Wonder who these are from?

Barney: They're in real fancy stash-ary (Barney lingo for stationary). They must be from somebody that's very well-to-do.

Andy: Well, I don't know too many rich people, do you? (begins reading the letter to himself)

Barney: I wonder if they say the same thing. What does yours say?

Andy: Well, it's from Ernest T. Bass!!! But this envelope's from a lawyer's office over in Mt. Pilot!

Barney: Ernest T. Bass?!!! Since when did he start using the Post Office instead of his Rock 'n Brick Express?!

Scene One

(Rejoining the last scene at the courthouse …)

Andy: That's the strangest thing, ain't it Barn?

Barney: I'll say! Who would believe Ernest T. Bass was rich?! How did he fall into money, Andy?

Andy: Well, he ain't been rich for long. (joking) If you'd read your letter, instead of askin' me questions, you'd know as much as I do about it!

Barney: Oh, you're a clown, you are! Why don't you whitewash your face, put a red ball on your nose, and join the circus!

Andy: Oh, Barney, I was just funnin'. Anyway, accordin' to this letter typed by his lawyer's secretary, he musta come in to some money, but it don't say how exactly. But it does say that he'll be in town this week.

Barney: He's comin here?! Ernest T. is coming here? The millionaire?

Andy: Oh, Barney, I don't reckon he's a millionaire, but he does seem to be fairin' better than me on a sheriff's salary. (wondering) Reckon how he came into that fortune?

(A large white object crashes through the big window of the courthouse.)

Barney: What was that?! We were just talkin' about Ernest T. and then a brick comes through the window!

Andy: (picking up the object) It ain't just any old brick - it's made of marble!

Barney: Marble???

Andy: Yeah. And it's from Ernest T. alright. (reading the note attached to the brick) "Ain't heard from me in a spell, Bet ya thought I was sick, So I'll tell you'ns 'hello', with this big, marble brick". Well, he ain't hoardin' his fortune, that's for sure. That marble had to set him back a purty penny!

Barney: You'd think, with all that money, he could pay someone to write better poems. I can't wait 'til he gets into town so we can find out where he got all that money!

Andy: You're forgettin' somethin', "Glenn Ford in G-Men". If I just got this brick through the winder, don't you reckon he must be purty close by?

Barney: That's right! We need to get him! We'll set up a roadblock! I'll call the boys in Raleigh for a back-up. Just 'cause he's rich, don't mean he can flaunt the law like that!

Andy: Now, calm down, Barney. This ain't the first winder we've lost. And old habits is hard to break … even if you ARE rich. Come on.

(Andy and Barney head out the door, and lo and behold, there is Ernest T., sitting on the bench outside the courthouse. Barney hardly notices him, probably because he is wearing a very sharp gentleman's suit.)

Barney: Howdy, stranger. (realizing that the stranger was all too familiar, and turns back around) Ernest T. Bass!

Ernest T.: It took ya long enough, Deputy. (sing-song rhyming) Howdy-do to you and you! It's me! It's me! It's Ernest T.!

Andy: It's good to see ya Ernest T., but ya can't be bustin' winders like that! Winders cost money!

ETB: Oh, I can pay to have a hundert of them winders fixed, 'cause on account I got money now!

Barney: But that don't give you the right to vendalize public property, especially a government office!

ETB: Is you back for good? 'Cause ya cain't talk to me that way ifn' you ain't a real deputy no more!

Barney: No, I ain't the deputy here any more. I work in Raleigh now, but I know the law!

Andy: Naw, he ain't here for good, Ernest T. He's only fillin' in fer Warren Ferguson while he's outta town. But he IS the deputy right this minute, and he's right about one other thang, too. You just can't go around breakin' winders - I don't care how much money ya might got. If ya really do have money, though, maybe you should use it to help out people who don't have so much, instead of bustin' up stuff!

ETB: I can't do that, Sheriff. Not just yet. First, I'm finally gonna get me a wife!

Andy: A wife! But ya just don't …. (ETB interrupts)

ETB: That's right, Sheriff! In the past two or three years that you've knowed me, I been tryin' to get me a woman to marry and have young'uns with, to carry on the great name of Bass. Since Charlene Darling got stole from me, I've tried to get a girl with a un-i-form, some fancy talkin' and walkin' into a room nice, a diploma 'o learnin', and with a good job as your crossin' guard to pay for a marriage license, tent and lantern for a honeymoon and then, that Englishter butted in, what stole my job from me. This time, now that I'm rich, I'm gonna get me a wife now, for sure! And I already got one picked out, too!

Barney: Now, I've heard everything! You just can't go out and buy a wife, you know! The future Mrs. Ernest T. Bass is in for a ROCKY marriage!

(ETB starts to lunge for Barney, and Andy has to get between them.)

Andy: Barney's right, Ernest T. Money might buy a lotta things. It might buy a marriage license, but it don't buy love.

ETB: Well, Sheriff, you've all knowed how good I am at dancin', and how strong I am and all. But none of that ever seemed to take. This time I'm finally gonna pay a dentist to put me in a real gold tooth, not no gold leaf, and I want him to knock out those two teeth on both sides of it, so's it'll show up better, too!

Barney: Boy! Gold teeth and marble bricks! What a waste of cold, hard cash!

(ETB starts to go after Barney again, this time he gets by the sheriff and starts to chase Barney down the street.)

Barney: (yelling) SHOWOFF!!!!

Scene Two

(Andy has evidently caught up with Ernest T. and gotten him to come back to the courthouse with him. However, Barney is not with them.)

ETB: As soon as I get married, I'm gonna do what you said, Sheriff. I'm gonna give money to the people, to help 'em out, like you helped me.

Andy: That's good, Ernest T., but you ain't said how ya got all this money.

ETB: That's for me to know and you to find out!

Andy: (slightly perturbed) You can be the orneriest thang sometimes!

ETB: That's "Ernest T.," Sheriff, not "Orneriest".

Andy: I meant you was ornery sometimes. I didn't say it was your name.

ETB: Well, thank you, Sheriff. I bet that deputy of your'n never got a "ornery" !

Andy: Well, you'd be surprised, Ernest T., you'd be surprised! Really, Ernest T., can't ya at least give me a little hint where that money came from? Your letter just said you were rich, and it was typed up by some secretary in Mt. Pilot.

ETB: That's right. I got me a lawyer to handle my affairs whilst I got so much money now. I'm gonna need a bank feller, too.

Andy: Wait a minute! That lawyer's name on the envelope sounds a little familiar to me now! (checks the envelope again) That's right! It's Neal Bentley! He's the feller that tried to get Otis to sue us a while back! I don't think ya oughta get mixed up with him!

ETB: Well, Sheriff, I need somebody to help with my finances and lawyer doin's. (sadly) I ain't never had much money or nuthin'. 'Cept fer my good looks from my momma's side of the family, my personality and strong back and good dancin' legs, most of what I got came from you.

Andy: What do ya mean, Ernest T.?

ETB: Yeah, Sheriff, why, the first time we met, ya interduced me to that lady sheriff when Charlene married up with that Dud Wash … I never saw that lady sheriff again … But later ya gave me that deputy's uniform, too. And ya gave me culture and passed me off as your cousin at Mrs. Wi-ley's party. That's where I met my sweet Romeena. You gave me that good job as a cross guard that time, until that English feller messed it up. But the greatest thang, you and my mother figure gave me my schoolin'! And that's how I got my fortune!

Andy: Well, now I appreciate that, Ernest T. I surely do. But that was nothin'. It's my job.

Barney: But Sheriff, nobody ever took intrest in me like you done. NOBODY ever done the thangs fer me that you done. If that lady teacher was my mother figure, I reckon you're my guardian angel figure. (Ernest T. is obviously moved and a little emotional)

Andy: I wuz glad to help ya, Ernest T. And speakin' of that, maybe we oughta get ya a lawyer around here, one ya can trust a little better.

ETB: Alright, Sheriff. I trust ya to know what's best.

Andy: (curious again, and joking with ETB) Why don't ya tell me where ya got all that money? You said your education brought you your fortune?

ETB: Yeah, I went on that show, "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?"

Andy: You're kiddin'! I've seen that show on TV! But that's filmed up in New York, ain't it?

ETB: New York? I didn't go to no New York! We done it right there in the hills, up wherst I live.

Andy: Are ya sure? I can't believe they would come down here to do a show.

ETB: Well, they didn't. Me and the folks back home put it on. We had questions 'bout huntin', geography and such. And I got the most questions right, so's I am the millionaire! And since ya taught me about boundries, how to write my sen-tence, stomp out 'rithmetic problems and all, you're the reason I'm filthy rich!

Andy: (realizing that poor, naïve ETB really doesn't have the millions he thinks he has) Oh, Ernest T.! (with his hand over his mouth and softly so ETB cannot hear) I'm afraid you're just filthy.

ETB: What's that?

Andy: Aw, uh, nothin'. I just said you might shoulda cleaned up a little more before ya put on that nice suit.

ETB: But it ain't Saturday yet!

Scene Three

(Barney is talking to Goober at the filling station.)

Goober: I can't believe it. Ernest T. Bass is really rich?!

Barney: Very rich!

Goober: Well, I declare! This is probably the biggest thing to happen around here … since you went off to Raleigh to work with the PO-lice.

Barney: Well, I don't reckon this is as big as my Raleigh job. But you can't be a lawman as long as I have and not be just a little suspicious of where he got that money. But he won't tell nobody where he got it. I just hope he hasn't started a life of crime.

Goober: Real mysterious, huh? Well, this sure is big, ain't it?

Barney: BIG? "Big" ain't the word for it! This is really, really BIG! And I got lots of ideas what we, I mean he, should do with all that money! I say we throw him a big party in his honor, maybe even put up a statue of him in the middle of town!

Goober: I don't think we can afford all that, Barney.

Barney: Are you kiddin'? Ernest T. can pay for it! I say we get started on it right now!

Scene Four

(The scene opens as we return to a dismayed Ernest T. as Andy has explained to him about his supposed fortune.)

ETB: Sheriff? You mean I ain't got no fortune? I ain't really rich? I ain't really "on East Street" no more?

Andy: I'm afraid not, Ernest T.

ETB: And I won't be able to give back to the people, like you done for me, my guardian angel figure?

Andy: I don't hardly think so, Ernest T. They just ain't that kind 'o money in them hills. I ain't denyin' you won the contest. I think the people around there just did it for fun.

ETB: It sure felt good, Sheriff, for people to take notice of me for different reasons. I ain't been throwin' rocks 'n bricks lately neither. I just throwed that 'un in your winder, to celebrate ol' times.

Andy: (joking sarcastically, but ETB doesn't notice) Well, I don't quite know how to thank ya, Ernest T.

ETB: That's alright, Sheriff. (despondent) I reckon I'll just go on back home where I belong. I ain't supposed to live in a big city like Mayberry or have a wife. I might even find a cave and hermitize myself.

Andy: Now, hold on there, Ernest T. You still got a lot to be thankful for. Yeah! Don't ya see? You got a few acres up in them hills near Old Man Kelsey, don't ya? And I don't mind tellin' ya, that part of the country is some of the purtiest parts of the world I believe I've ever seen.

ETB: Yeah?

Andy: Yeah! And ya got great friends in the Darlings. They're good people.

ETB: We have been gettin' along better lately, in spite of that Dud Wash.

Andy: Right! And ya got friends here in Mayberry, too! So what if you're not really rich with millions of dollars - You're rich with your home in the hills and richer beyond words with friendship!

ETB: I ain't never had no real friend before, Sheriff! I'm PROUD, mighty PROUD! I wanna thank ya, Sheriff.

Andy: That's OK, Ernest T. I expect we better get this stuff straightened out with the lawyer though. I'll get Sarah and have her call Mt. Pilot. I'll get this settled.

ETB: Naw, Sheriff. I've got to do it, and I've got to straighten it out myself. But I would be obliged if you'd take me over there in the patrol car. I ain't never been in it as a guest - only as a prisoner.

Andy: I surely don't mind to take ya over there! And see there, Ernest T.! That's another way that you've grown! You're a fine man, Ernest T. ….. deep down, I reckon.

ETB: I declare, Sheriff, I do believe I'm gonna cry!

Andy: Aw! Don't do that, Ernest T.! Don't do that! (They head out the door for their trip to Mt. Pilot)

(Then, they run into Ramona Ancrum on the sidewalk, as they're getting in the squad car.)

Ramona: Mr. Bass! You look so distinguished! Where have you been lately? I suppose you've been busy making the fortune everyone has been talking about?

ETB: Yeah! I wuz meanin' to come see ya whilst I wuz in town! I been to New York, for a TV show, Romeena, … since we used to spend time together regular-like.

Andy: Ernest T.!

Ramona: That is appropriate, Ernest T., because now you have a million, and when I'm with you, I always feel like a million.

ETB: (picking her up as she giggles with glee) You might feel like a million, but you sure don't weigh a million. (hooting one of his cackling laughs) And even if ya did, I could still lift you up!

Ramona: (giggles with glee) No one makes me feel the way you do. Oh, Ernest T., you do lift me up! You truly do!

Scene Five

(Andy is driving to Mt. Pilot with Ramona and Ernest T. in the back seat.)

ETB: I sure do appreciate ya takin' me to that there lawyer in Mt. Pilot, Sheriff.

Andy: That's fine, Ernest T. I don't mind.

ETB.: And I am also glad that you are comin' with us, Romeena. They is somethin' I am needin' to ask ya. And when we get back, I want you to …… marry me! And I want the Sheriff here to do the marryin'!

Ramona: Oh, Ernest T.! I would be delighted to be your bride!

Andy: (Thinking this might not be a good idea, that Ramona might be marrying Ernest T. for his money.) Maybe we ought not to rush into things so fast.

ETB: Oh, Miss Romeena, the Sheriff's right. I've gotta come clean. I thought I was rich, and I really did like how folks finally paid attention to me and all … Well, I reckon I got carried away with myself. I reckon I got to really believin' them things. But I ain't really rich - like folks is sayin', I mean ….

Ramona: Oh, Mr. Bass, I don't care about that. If you were truly a millionaire, then I would be happy for you because it happened to such an exciting and charming man. But I don't mind if you're not a millionaire either …. because, like I said, I feel like a million dollars when we're together.

ETB: The Sheriff just made me realize that with my good looks, personality, my cabin up on my land, and all my friends, that I really am rich. … And Miss Romeena, I would be honored if you'd make me the RICHEST man alive, by agreein' to be my bride!

Ramona: I said I wanted to marry you, Ernest T. And it's not because I thought you were wealthy. You see, I think I've been in love with you ever since that night at my aunt's. Do you remember Mrs. Wiley's party?

ETB: Yeah, I sure do 'member! That's when I hoisted ya up in the air fer the first time! And I'm not only the richest man alive, I'm the luckiest, too!

Ramona: Oh, Ernest T.!

ETB: But wait a minute, Sheriff. If I ain't rich, how can I pay for this fancy suit? I got it on credit - I had to leave a gold watch that my daddy gave me. It had a picture of my momma and daddy inside it. If I can't pay for the suit, then I can't get my daddy's watch back!

Andy: Now, now, Ernest T. Just settle down! If a feller's gonna get married, the way I see it, he oughta have a nice suit for the weddin'. And, so's you can get your watch back, I wanna pay for the suit. That'll be my weddin' present to you and Ramona. (joking) It's either that, or pay for it with them marble bricks.

ETB: (obviously touched by Andy's generosity) I LOVE YOU, SHERIFF! I JUST LOVE YOU!!

Scene Six

(Goober and Barney are driving up to the Darlings to get them for Ernest T.'s celebration.)

Goober: You better tell me where to turn, Barney. I ain't never been up to the Darling place before.

Barney: I'll tell ya where to turn when it's time to tell ya to turn!

Goober: Well, ya don't have to get snippety with me. I'm just tryin' to help ya! If it weren't for me, you'd be walkin' up here since Andy had the patrol car.

Barney: I'm sorry, Goober. I just got so carried away with planning this surprise party. But if I had borrowed the squad car, I woulda had to tell Andy about the party. And I don't what to do that just yet.

Goober: Huh?

Barney: Don't ya see, if I tell Andy about it now, he'll feel like he has to help out. And with Warren gone, he don't have time to do that. So since I'm fillin' in for Warren, who's really just fillin' in for me as Andy's deputy, I want to be the one to take that off 'o him.

Goober: Oh, I see. But when he finds out about the party, don't ya reckon he'll be hurt that we didn't invite him?

Barney: Oh, for Pete's sake, Goober! We're not gonna keep it a secret the whole time - just until we get it all ready. Then we'll tell Andy, and we'll tell Ernest T., too.

Goober: Barney, we been ridin' in my truck for a while and ya ain't told me where to turn yet.

Barney: Turn right here! Aw, Goober, ya missed the turn!

(Goober slams on the breaks, and the old truck skids to a stop and a huge cloud of dust rises from the dirt road and sifts into the cab of the truck from the opened window.)

Barney: (choking) COUGH! COUGH! Goober!

Goober: Barney! When I told ya to tell me where to turn, I meant for ya to tell me before I got to it!

(Goober's truck finally pulls up to the Darling cabin, and sounds of beautiful bluegrass music are heard as the Darlings play "Ebo Walker." Goober lays on the horn to announce their arrival.)

Barney: What are you doin', Goober?!

Goober: Well, they need to know we're here, and they wouldn't gonna hear us with all that music playin'!

Briscoe: (Briscoe Darling comes to the door of their cabin.) Is that you, Sheriff? Were we playin' too loud?

Barney: No, I ain't the Sheriff, Mr. Darling. Don't you remember Deputy Fife?

Briscoe: I thought you wouldn't workin' for him no more.

Barney: (softly, almost to himself) Boy, I'm really tired of explaining this. (louder) Your're right, Mr. Darling. I'm a detective in Raleigh now.

Briscoe: More pow'r to ya.

Barney: I came up here to tell you that Ernest T. Bass is rich, and we're throwin' a party for him down in Mayberry! We came to let you know, so you all could be there, too.

Briscoe: (turning to the boys) Hear that boys? Ernest T. is rich! (all the boys just stare blankly with no reaction at all.) They's all keyed up.

Goober: I knowed they'd be excited!

Briscoe: (to Barney) Is he one of ourn?

Barney: Yeah, he's one of ours, Mr. Darling. This is Goober Pyle, that runs the fillin' station in Mayberry.

Briscoe: Howdy. Yeah, I 'member "Big Ears" here. You was the deputy the sheriff got when we came to town to get wives for the boys. But, Deputy, Ernest T. ain't really rich.

Barney: Why, he is, too! He's got a real nice suit … not as nice as my salt-and-pepper, but real nice, and he's got a lawyer from Mt. Pilot and everything. Rumor has it that he's a millionaire.

Briscoe: Oh, that. Well, me and the boys and Ernest T. played a game called "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Charlene asked the questions, and Ernest T. got more questions right than the boys did. They weren't too talkative that day. But the game was only to pass the time of day. We got kinda tired of playin' "Name That Tune." But they weren't no prizes or money give out.

Goober: If you'd been singin', it woulda been "The Gong Show", huh, Barney?

Barney: What do ya mean by that? What's "The Gong Show"?

Goober: (ignoring Barney's question) Well, Barney, you've done it again! The guest of honor for your party really ain't somebody to be honored.

Briscoe: Now, hold on here. You ought not talk like that. He's a strange and peculiar feller. And he almost was my son-in-law. But you can't talk like that in front of me and the boys here! (camera pans to another one of the boys' blank stares)

Charlene: (listening from the cabin window) Let's go on down with the deputy, Paw, and go to Ernest T.'s party. I think it'll make him feel better if we were there .… I'll get Andelina ready.

Barney: OK, you all follow us back down the mountain.

Briscoe: I think we know the way, Detective. We'll be there directly. But, I sure wish ya was still the deputy 'cause somebody stole a nice slab 'o marble I was savin' for my headstone. I hope I find out who took it before I need it.

Barney: Marble? Uh … uh … I'll let Sheriff Taylor know about it quick as we get to town!

(Barney and Goober get back in the truck, and head back to town.)

Goober: Barney, if Ernest T. really ain't rich, why'd you get Aunt Bee and all the townsfolk to get presents and make food for the party? (Barney realizes another mistake is blowing up in his face, but doesn't want to admit this to Goober. His head drops and his facial expression saddens.) Did ya hear me Barney?

Barney: Just drive, will ya, Goober?!!!

Scene Seven

(The party is coming together quite nicely, but Barney hasn't told everyone the truth yet about Ernest T.)

Aunt Bee: Are you certain that Ernest T. is really a millionaire, Barney? This wouldn't be another one of your fiascos, would it?

Barney: Naw, Aunt Bee …

Goober: Don't ya think you oughta tell 'em now, Barney?

Lady: Tell us what?

Man 1: What's goin' on here?!

Aunt Bee: That's right, Barney. What IS going on here?

Barney: Oh, Aunt Beeee!

(Andy drives up, without Ernest T. and Ramona, and sees all the cars around and all the people on the porch.)

Andy: What's goin' on here, Barney?

Man 2: That's what we'd like to know, Sheriff!

Andy: Barney?

Barney: Well … Ange …

(Now, the Darlings drive up in their truck, playing "Dooley". Andy waves at the Darling clan, and turns back to Barney.)

Andy: Well, Barney? …

Barney: Andy, I wanted to throw Ernest T. a party, so I got everyone to chip in and then I found out that Ernest T. isn't really a millionaire.

Andy: I know, Barn.

Barney: You know? Well, what are we gonna do? All these people are gettin' restless!

Andy: Well, it did look more like a lynchin' party to me. (to the crowd) Folks, folks, could I have your attention? There's been a little misunderstandin'. The thangs ya heard about Ernest T. ain't entirely true, but … (The crowd becomes more restless as they begin to murmur about Barney's mistakes.) But folks, we still got somethin' to celebrate! And since the Darlings are here now, they can do the music! Ernest T. and Ramona are gettin' married! And you all got Barney to thank for puttin' this little shindig together!

Barney: Ange, ya know … if ya put this into a play, nobody'd believe it!

(The scene ends with everyone shouting with joy and patting Barney on the back. Goober starts blowing the truck horn again to show his own personal style of celebration.)

  1. Epilogue

(The big day has finally arrived. Ernest T. and Ramona are at the altar. Andy is the best man, and Thelma Lou is Ramona's bridesmaid. Unlike scenes from "Rafe Hollister Sings," "Barney and the Choir," and "The Songfesters," Barney delivers a beautiful rendition of the song, "Ramona," written by Mable Wayne and L. Wolfe Gilbert. Check out http://tinchicken.com/songs/old/ramona.htm for the tune.)

Barney: (singing) Ramona, I hear the mission bells above

Ramona, they're ringing out our song of love

I press you, caress you

And bless the day you taught me to care

I'll always remember

The rambling rose you wore in your hair

Ramona, when the day is done you'll hear my call

Ramona, we'll meet beside the waterfall

I dread the dawn

When I awake to find you gone

Ramona, I need you, my own

(Andy, Thelma Lou, and everyone are so proud of Barney's lovely song. Andy can't say it out loud, but silently mouths to Barney, "You done real good, Barn." Then, bells ring just as noted in the song Barney has rendered.)

(Immediately cut to the following set. Barney is asleep in his pajamas and his own bed in a simple Raleigh apartment. He has a blindfold over his eyes, because sunshine is coming through the window. He is awakened from his dream by the ringing telephone, which sounds similar to the bells ringing at the wedding ceremony.)

Barney: What? H - h - hello?

Andy: Hey, Barney. It's me, Andy! I'm sorry. Were you sleepin'? I called your office and they said you'd gone home early. Are ya sick?

Barney: No, no … I've just been working on a stakeout late at night this week, and I'm only trying to catch up on some shut-eye. Uh … and I ain't sick. Do I sound sick? I might be comin' down with somethin'. But I just woke up from the weirdest dream though.

Andy: Well, Barn, I'm sorry I woke you up. But I just had to call you and tell you the news! You'll never believe it!

Barney: (still not fully awake) What, what is it, Ange?

Andy: Guess who's gettin' married?

Barney: I can't guess, Andy. Just tell me.

Andy: No, go on and guess. Guess, Barney!

Barney: Ramona Ancrum and Ernest T. Bass.

Andy: (surprised) Well …yeah. But how'd ya know that? They ain't been seein' each other for a while. It just came on real sudden like. (pensively) Barney, I know you're a detective now, but I DECLARE, that is the best piece of police work I ever did see!

Barney: Thanks, Ange!

Andy: But ya ain't gonna guess who went on one of them game shows! (Barney obviously answers correctly, but the audience does not hear him. We only see Andy's reaction of sheer confusion.) Well … it was nice talkin' to ya, Sherlock.